Even the most loving couples have disagreements, whether they are just starting out dating or have been married for decades. The trick lies in how to air those disagreements in a healthy manner and not have them devolve into a knockdown, drag-out fight that causes a rift in the relationship that may be difficult or even impossible to heal.

What Do Couples Fight About?

Vanessa Marin who, among other things, is a psychotherapist and life coach, listed 10 things that couples tend to fight about in a post on Bustle.

Sex – A fight over sex can happen over many things, including if one partner wants it more than the other, leading to feelings of rejection. Couples might disagree about specific acts in the bedroom, too, where one partner might want to try something that the other isn’t keen to attempt. (Like a threesome.) 

Money – Fights over money can happen when one partner is more of a saver and the other is more of a spender. What one person considers a necessary expense the other might think is an extravagance.

Children – Couples sometimes fight over whether to have kids or not. And if they have kids, the problem of how to dole out discipline may become an issue.

Timing – Relationships always proceed in stages. When do you want to become exclusive? When do you want to move in together? When and if you want to get married. These milestones can be occasions of great joy or of bitter disagreement..

Quality time – How much time to spend together and what to do with that time can often be a conflict. 

Romance – The fires of romance can turn cooler the farther away you get from the honeymoon stage. One person might like the occasional date night. The other person may not. One person might feel neglected. The other might feel pressured, That can lead to fighting.

Chores – It’s far from unusual for couples to disagree about which chores each person should do. Or, one partner might believe the other isn’t doing their fair share of the housework. 

In-laws – Parents can be a major source of tension. Simply trying to figure out which side to spend a holiday with can spark some bitter feelings. If there’s an argument, and sides are taken (“Well, my mother says …”), that can turn problematic.

Pet peeves – Pet peeves can be about just about anything, from snoring to taking the last cookie on the plate. And we certainly don’t need to mention leaving the toilet seat up.

Jealousy – The green-eyed monster has blighted more relationships than perhaps any other factor. 

Addiction and Fighting

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy suggests that addiction on the part of one person in a relationship can exacerbate the tendency to fight. Addiction can cause issues with money, taking responsibility for chores at home, and staying out at all hours of the night. Fights can occur when the addicted partner is in denial that there is a problem and will not seek treatment. Unfortunately, addiction can lead to physical violence and a breakup of the relationship, since the partner who has the addiction has lost the capacity for sound judgment.

How to Fight Fair

You and your partner and spouse have a disagreement. How do you air that disagreement and arrive at a solution without tears and anger?

NBC News sought the advice of Casey and Meygan Caston, a married couple who are not only therapists but have had trouble resolving disagreements in their marriage themselves. They are founders of an organization called Marriage365. They have several suggestions for couples who are having an argument.

Maintain control: Losing control and saying things you’ll later regret is always a danger when having an argument. One technique to keep that from happening is to have a timeout to allow both people time to calm down. Use a “safe word” to indicate that it’s time to stop fighting and have some time apart from one another before taking up the argument again.

Never Interrupt: One important rule of fighting is not to talk over each other. You might try using a toy microphone or a “talking stick” that indicates that the person holding it is the only one allowed to speak. The object can then be passed to the other person when it’s time to respond.

Don’t bring up the past: Resist the temptation to bring up the other person’s past mistakes. Picking at the past will only hurt the other person. It certainly doesn’t resolve the question at hand.

Don’t criticize: The crucial part of fighting fair is to never get personal. If you find yourself criticizing your spouse or partner, stop. Otherwise, you aren’t trying to resolve an issue. You’re just fighting for the sake of fighting.

Apologize: The hardest thing to do is to recognize you are wrong and then apologize for it. But being a better person has its own rewards. You also have to be quick to accept the apology once it’s given, especially if it is accompanied by a promise to do better.

An Argument is Best When Both Sides Win

Jenny Palmiotto, a licensed marriage and family therapist writes that the best way to conclude an argument is to arrange for both sides to win. The trick is to employ curiosity and empathy. Don’t let your need to be right invalidate what your partner or spouse has to say. That way, both partners recognize they have valid points and can come to a win-win conclusion.

Article written by guest author Heidi Bitsoli

Sources

bustle.com: The 10 Most Common Things Couples Fight About

Sunshinebehavioralhealth.com - Los Angeles’s Top Addiction Resource & Information Guide

aamft.org: Substance Abuse and Intimate Relationships

nbcnews.com: Want a Better Marriage? Learn to Fight Fair (in 5 Easy Steps)

marriage365.com: Ready to get your marriage back on track?

familyguidanceandtherapy.com: How to Create Win-Win Outcomes to Recurring Arguments in Your Relationship

Whilst the old custom of getting a present themed around paper, wood, silk etc for the relevant number of years is still a popular approach for many couples, there is no point sticking to tradition if you don’t think your partner will appreciate the sentiment. If you’re completely stuck for ideas, but want to mark the occasion with something meaningful, here are three presents that they’re sure to love and cherish forever.

Photos

Gone are the days of disposable cameras, where you’d be faced with a laborious wait just to see how the photos turned out. Nowadays, there are so many options when it comes to photo-themed presents that can be designed and ordered online, from calendars, to phone cases, to wall art.

Or you can always keep it simple with a photo album that you can flick through together. Perhaps you can accompany the photos with your own personalised captions, or some meaningful quotes. This is one way to ensure your gift is completely unique. What better way to get excited about the years to come than by reminiscing about all the special moments you’ve already shared?

Eternity ring

If you’re looking for something even more meaningful than a standard item of jewellery, why not give your partner a stunning eternity ring to demonstrate your ongoing commitment to one another? This special piece of jewellery can be a great way of saying “I do” all over again. Depending on how your partner wears their rings, you can find a style that complements the rest of their collection, so the eternity band can sit perfectly alongside their other pieces.

When buying an eternity ring, you’ll have the choice between a full band and half band – this refers to the diamond coverage around the ring. If they typically favour comfort over extravagance, then a half band will probably be the best option. But if you want to go all out, and have the budget to match your ambition, then look no further than the full band option, which is sure to attract admiring glances when perched on their finger.

Time

Bear with us on this one. We’re not talking about a new wall clock, but instead why not offer up your precious time? Particularly as relationships develop and other life commitments become a factor, it can be more difficult to set time aside for just the two of you. Plan a set amount of dates for the next six months or so, or just put a collection of date ideas in a personalised container for them to pick out as and when.

Not only does this gift mean you can celebrate your anniversary for longer, but it also ensures that you’ll have the chance to spend some quality time with your loved one. Perhaps you could theme the ideas around the changing of the seasons, or even put your creativity to the test with alphabet dating.

weedcontrolsprayrigs clothes

It might be a gift card or a matching set that shows your love and affection for your partner in a deeper level. The secret pockets for hugs and touches are the added value to a simple yet timeless design and are descreet enough for the clothing to be worn at home, work or a hike. You can choose from a variety of different colours and styles, adding a quality piecee to your wardrobe.
This gift will be great for any couple, but especially appreciated by those whose love language is physical touch!

Winter is a beautiful time of year, but it brings its own set of problems. The cold and snowy weather makes it difficult to get out and enjoy the world around you. We have compiled a list of unique ways to relax, destress, and have fun during winter.
The winter season is more than hectic, and everyone wants to stay indoors, researching quicker ways to relax. It can be tempting to stay in bed all morning, spend the whole day in your warm pajamas, order some food, or visit one of the best dating sites 2021 to look for a partner. This might seem fun for a while, but learning unique ways to relax and destress during these chaotic months is essential.
As the weather gets colder, days get shorter, and you feel overwhelmed, you may have difficulty asking yourself what ways to relax are. So, we’ve put together unusual ways to relax when stressed and have fun during winter. Read on to discover some unique ways to enjoy and relax during bleak weather.

Eight Unique Ways to Relax During Winter

Regardless of your gender, taking a hot bath is one of the best ways to completely relax during winter. Between your tense muscles and the cold weather, a refreshing hot bath is among the perfect ways to relax your body and mind. A hot bath doesn’t only help you relax, but it’s also one of the effective ways to help you get a great, restful sleep which will undoubtedly make you feel ready to handle the day.
Taking a hot bath is also one of the powerful ways to help you relax your nervous system, contributing to a better mood and alleviating stress. There’s nothing more fun than relaxing in a warm pool of water surrounded by lovely smells. So don’t spend this winter wondering what the best way to relax is. Soak in a warm water pool, let your body relax, and enjoy some quiet time.

If you’re wearing a heavy and warm outfit for the winter and feel overwhelmed, can’t think clearly, and wonder what are ways to relax, taking deep breaths might help. This is one of the easiest ways to help you help destress and relax. Breathing exercise is among the most excellent ways to help calm your body and relax your mind by helping manage some negative emotions such as overthinking, anger, and stress, which most people face during colder seasons.
You can try a wide range of breathing exercises at home, but sitting down and taking deep, slow breaths is simple and effective. After doing so, you can exhale slowly and repeat the exercise at least five consecutive times until you relax and destress. Breathing exercise is one of the easiest ways to relax; you can practice it anywhere, and it’s easier to incorporate into your daily routine.

Practicing yoga and meditation is one of the fun ways to help you combat stress, anxiety, improve your physical fitness, and relax during cold weather. They help reduce your body’s stress and anxiety response leading to excellent relaxation. There are different yoga and meditation poses, some of which are strenuous than others meaning you can adjust to your particular needs and abilities.
You can find a nearby yoga studio, sign up for virtual yoga classes, or discover free yoga videos on YouTube and practice some poses at home. Additionally, yoga and meditation are some of the unique ways to relax with friends or family when you’re indoors during winter. All you need to do is adjust your sessions, your daily schedule, and availability.

Laughter is, of course, one of many ways to destress and relax from the inside. However, making yourself laugh may sound weird, but if you’re open-minded, it can be quite beneficial to take a break and laugh. Laughing is one of the most enjoyable ways that will improve your mood, reduce your stress, and help you relax your mind. You can spare a few minutes to watch a funny video or comedy movie that will make you laugh.
Additionally, you can try laughter yoga—one of the unique and fun ways—which involves people getting together in a room to laugh and stretch. Practicing laughter yoga is one of the perfect ways to enjoy a combination of yoga and laughter benefits at once. If you’re looking for the best refreshing ways to spend winter or autumn with your loved ones, you can try this to relax and beat the winter/autumn blues.

Being active is one of the best ways to relax during colder days. However, we all feel like hiding in our warm beds is one of the easiest ways to relax during autumn or winter, and it always feels difficult to get up and exercise. The truth is that our bodies need regular exercise, especially in fresh outdoor air, to relax, strengthen the immune system, and quicken circulation. How about getting out with your family or friends and do some jogging, cycling, gymnastics, or Nordic walking and have some fun and relax?
Doing some physical activities with friends is among the fun and effective ways to help you relax and stimulate the production of your happy hormones and displace bad moods during bleak weather. Being active during autumn or winter will not only help you relax, but you’re also less likely to catch a cold! Don’t stay indoors thinking about the perfect ways to enjoy and relax; just find something to keep you and your friends active throughout the cold-weather season.

A Swedish outdoor fitness craze, Plogging is currently gaining popularity across the world, making it one of the best ways to relax and enjoy winter. It’s simply the combination of two words, Plocka (pick) and jogging. Plogging is one of the unique ways to work out and have a charitable responsibility at the same time. This is also one of the excellent ways to relish and relax with family or friends where you’ll go jogging while picking up litter on your way.
Plogging is also one of the best ways to work out since you combine bends and squats into your run, which will help burn a significant amount of calories than regular joggers. You don’t need much to start Plogging; just cold-weather workout gear like a moisture-wicking beanie and thermal running tights. It would help if you also remembered to bring along latex or plastic gloves to pick up litter and a trash bag to put and carry the trash. If you’re looking for the best ways to work out, relax your mind, and keep your environment clean during winter, then Plogging is for you.

Winter is a beautiful time of year in most countries, and one of the best ways to relax and experience its beauty is by taking a dog sledding tour. And when it comes to winter outdoor activities, there are few as exciting as dogsledding. This is one of the incredible ways to take your beautiful creature out and experience the breathtaking snowy landscape and relax. You can bring your friends and their dogs and walk yourselves up into the mountains to view the stunning sceneries as your huskies pull you along at speeds up to 25 mph.
Can you imagine yourself bundled up in a warm coat and sitting on the back of an old dog sled? Wind blowing through your hair and the feeling of freedom as you glide across the snowy terrain. This is what it feels like to go dogsledding during winter. Additionally, dogsledding is a lot of fun for people of all ages and abilities, whether you're an athlete or someone who would rather stay in bed on weekends. If you're looking for one of the unique and energetic ways to enjoy and relax during winter, try dog sledding.

Go Hiking

Hiking never gets old, and it’s, of course, one of the most popular ways to enjoy winter or autumn. The great thing about it is that every season in a year has a fun and unique experience to offer. Generally, winter or autumn hiking means no bugs, and you’ve got all the trails primarily to yourself, placing the activity among the perfect ways to enjoy, workout, relax, and distress during the bleak weather.
If your friends are bored with regular hiking in general, you can always try something new such as a sensory hike where you pay attention to particular smells, sounds, sights, and textures around you. Don’t spend lots of time indoors researching the best ways to spend the winter season; just gather a few friends, gear up for a hike, and head out to have some fun and relax on a winter hike.

Bottom Line on Unusual Ways to Relax During Winter
During winter, it can be tough to find ways to relax and destress. It’s super cold outside, you’re stuck indoors for most of the day, and there are fewer or no hours of sunlight. This article explores five unusual ways to relax in 2022. What are good ways to relax and reduce stress? Would you like to add several relaxing ways? Please use the comment section to add more ways and share your thoughts on relaxing and de-stressing during winter.

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Pictures from pexels.com and unsplash.com

About the Author:
Miranda Davis is a freelance writer in the relation and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves cooking and long-distance walking.

Many of us found a way to eat healthily and exercise during the workweek! But come the weekend we tend to get loose and indulge in cocktails, burgers, pizza, etc., and skip workouts! If you want to stay on track and enjoy a healthy weekend you came to the right place!

No matter how much we like what we do, we have to admit that working eight or more hours per day is super stressful and exhausting.  Hence, we are all looking forward to Friday afternoon and the weekend when we can relax, and enjoy our free time with our friends or partners.

But the thing is that even though we can’t wait for the weekend, many of us don't use this time to enjoy ourselves!  Do you agree? It seems that we either run around finishing the entire non-work-related thing for which we didn’t have time during the week or completely turn off our brains and spend this time in front of the TV or even just lazily browsing through the best hookup sites reviews.  We also noticed that we tend to forget about exercising and eating healthy during the weekend. Recognize yourself?

Recently we realized that this is bothering us, so we began to wonder how to have a healthy weekend. What are healthy weekend activities that we could do as a couple?  Determined to change the way we spend our weekends, we started thinking about this and created a list of things we can do!

How to Enjoy a Healthy Weekend?

Stay in Bed 15 Minutes More

Take Time for Breakfast

Spend Time Outdoors

You don't feel like going out, especially now when it is raining almost every day! Yeah, yeah, we know that you prefer to watch Netflix and grab beer and chips. However, spending time in nature is much more beneficial for you. If you don't feel like going to a park or something, you can think of going to one of the healthy weekend getaways. Renting a cabin in the woods is super romantic. Plus, you can go hiking, cycling, etc. It is also both healthy and fun!

Hug everyone!

Enjoy a Cheat Meal

Spend Time With Friends

Indeed, when both of you are overwhelmed with work during the week, your first impulse is to spend the weekend just in two. However, it is also important to see friends and family. If you enjoy cooking, you can invite your friends for Saturday night dinner or brunch on Sunday.  If that is not your thing, you can go all together for a walk, hike, or cycling trip, etc.  Of course, sometimes it is also nice to go out in a larger group.

Conclusion
We came to the end of our text about how to enjoy a happy and healthy weekend. Keep in mind that there are plenty of other things that you can do. We listed just a few to give you an idea!  The most essential thing you need to remember is that this is time for you. Hence you need to make sure that you do only the things that you love and that make you happy! So, what do you usually do on weekends? 

Author's bio:
Miranda is an experienced relationship writer. Miranda enjoys studying relationship counseling, education, and development that focuses on improving communication. Miranda is passionate about cooking and yoga.

When we begin to live with a loved one or get married, we are romantic and inspired by thoughts of a joint future. This is a time when sharing day-to-day expenses, possible financial pressures ahead, and other practical plans seem distant and insignificant. However, you may experience the first financial difficulties when planning your first trip together.

Of course, local title loans will always help you make your dream come true. However, many couples have a question - is it possible to accumulate a sufficient amount for comfortable romantic travel after quarantine?

If you think about why you can't save money and need the advice of experienced travelers, the dream can come true. There are ways not to waste all the money earned and collect it for the desired travel plans and save romance in the couple. Find out everything in our article!

Create a Travel Budget in Advance

Calculate the cost of your travel quarantine plans, taking into account the time remaining before the trip. Determine the amount you want to save, for example, 10-20% of your joint income. Now subtract that amount and your fixed spending from your income to get the amount you can spend this month. Think of this 10-20% as untouchable money, put it in a separate account, and don't spend it in any situation. It will save you enough money for one expensive trip or several cheap family vacations a year.

Refuse Unplanned Spending

It is the main rule for couples who cannot deny themselves impulsive shopping. For example, you weren't planning to go shopping on the weekend, but you did, and you bought some pretty things that you could easily do without. Yes, it is difficult to restrain yourself, but it is necessary.

Try to convince yourself that your romantic travel dream is worth the effort. You will have to learn to control yourself. If the thing that you want to buy exceeds 10% of your monthly income, and you can do without it for some time, then it is better to refuse it.

Book in Advance

The best way to save money on travel plans during COVID is to buy plane tickets and book accommodation in advance. For example, six months is enough. More often, prices before departure and those offered earlier are very different. Take your time, look at various offers and destinations, monitor prices, and follow promotions. Discuss it together and choose the option you both are satisfied with.

Control Income and Expenses

If you don't know where most of your money goes, and you can't make any savings, you need strict control over your spending. Try installing an application to monitor your spending and analyze it. You both can simply use it and add all your spendings so you can see the real picture together. You just need to honestly enter actual data about how much and where you spend money.

It will help you understand what travel plans you can save on. You might be surprised, but sometimes the minor categories of your spending take the most of your money.

Spend One Day a Week with No Expenses

This tip will come in handy both while on vacation and in everyday life, as it allows you to get rid of the habit of spending money unnecessarily. Pick one day a week when you both won't pay a cent. The muffin at the café around the corner and the usual grocery shopping can wait until tomorrow.

In addition, it will help you remember again that the most beautiful things in the world are available for free. For example, chatting with friends, watching a sunset together, romantic walking, reading your favorite book, and much more. If such a day becomes your habit, you can add another day per week and notice how your savings increase and you become closer with your partner. It is the best travel plan example you can try right now.

Plan Your Vacation Budget Clearly

Regardless of the amount you have, you always want to pamper yourself and your partner with something special during your vacation. Before you go on a trip, determine how much money you can afford to spend on your travel plans. The correct decision would be to divide the amount you decide to spend into weeks and days and transfer the rest of the money to a savings account, just in case.

When planning your vacation budget, be sure to include the emergency savings. It can be a certain percentage of the amount (for example, 10%) or a specific amount that you put aside in another wallet or transfer to a reserve account.

Conclusion

Summing up, we can conclude that the key to saving money for romantic travel plans for 2021 is strict planning. You need to plan your travel budget in detail and keep track of expenses and income. By following these simple rules, you can save up for a magical vacation with your significant other in a few months. We hope that our tips will help you!

What are your travel plans meaning? How do you save money? Please share your tips in the comments below.

Author's Bio:

Daniel Miller is an experienced specialist in the business and financial area. Daniel has also worked as a financial advisor at a bank and provided consulting and advice about budgets, savings, insurance, stocks, retirement funds, tax advice, etc. He is currently doing specific research on the topic.

Most relationships thrive on understanding and equality, although this is an aspect that many people forget about. So is there a need for a balanced relationship?

What is the equality definition? The proper relationship equality definition is where each partner's desires and interests are met and respected. It eliminates any dominance of a single partner's thoughts and preferences. This is defined as a one-sided relationship where one partner puts more effort into accommodating the interests of the other, ending up choking in the relationship and making a lot of sacrifices.

So what are the examples of equality in a relationship? A properly balanced relationship is characterized by the need to know your partner's opinion about something, working as a team, and ensuring that both of you get satisfied with the results of every project or step made. It’s also characterized by the efforts and sacrifices made by both partners. It is important to have projects for the future in a relationship. Whether they are funded by loans over the phone or life savings, they keep the relationship moving forward as you and your partner work on a common goal.

However, people often mistake inequality for the roles played in a relationship. We’ve all heard the statement that a man should be a provider and a woman should be a hearth keeper. But aren't they supposed to complement each other in their efforts? There are ordinary virtues that complement both partners but having a familiar voice and understanding makes the relationship more balanced.

So how would you notice if there’s no marriage equality?

Signs there’s Inequality in a Relationship

Particular aspects count in making your connection more balanced. However, there are red flags that you should look out for that'll indicate your relationship is headed the wrong way. Some of the signs to watch out for include:

a) Solo Decisions

When you notice your partner is not consulting you on decisions that affect both of you, that's an immediate sign of an imbalanced relationship. Partners who always want to call the shorts are often regarded as selfish as they always put their self-interest first. They are also not considerate of what you think about a situation.

b) Weight on a Single Partner

When your partner wants you to pay for everything or do everything in the house, you should consider having a conversation about equality in your relationship. A relationship resembles a project where the involved parties actively participate in the proceedings to have the best possible outcome. It is unfair to put all the weight on a single partner.

c) Inability to Compromise

Things don’t always turn out the way you would want them to, and at that point, you have to compromise. Making sacrifices is an essential part of the relationship. However, it would be best if you didn’t overdo it. It’s good to compromise and let your partner get what they want, but it always ensures that you make your interest known either way.

d) Dominant Partner

Partners who are controlling your life are not ideal people to be in a relationship with. People who are insecure or desperate tend to follow up on your every move and move ahead to tell you what to do, how to do it, and in some cases, they further enforce those ideas either through verbal or physical abuse.

So why is equality important?

Benefits of Equality in Relationships

There are multiple things to enjoy when there is a balance in your relationship. Some equality benefits include:

•       Deeper connection – A properly balanced relationship yields a deeper connection between partners. Your relationship will grow in trust and love since there is more dependency on each other than the bond you have achieved.
•       Understanding – Equality in a relationship brings understanding. It generates from learning more about your partner's wants and needs and finding out why they have particular interests. It also makes it easier to compromise since it's already clear why the partner needs that.
•       Participation – A balanced relationship is more fun and positively challenging. Every partner has a part to play in building up the relationship, which makes both of them actively participating. It is easier to learn about the weaknesses or strengths of your partner through participation. You also know how to manage them depending on what you will both agree on.
•       Satisfaction– When your demands are met, and your partner is satisfied simultaneously, the relationship is more fulfilling. It becomes more satisfying when both partners put equal efforts to push through a project which had positive results.
•       Less work – A balanced relationship promotes fewer efforts as everyone will play their part to ensure that the relationship is up and running at ease.

Tips for Building Relationship Equality

Building equality requires some skills and efforts that you need to put together to get the best outcome from that course. Here are some of the tips to building family equality:

Communicating

The main bridge that connects you and your partner is communication. Love is developed through communication; by sharing your ideas, experiences, and thoughts you begin to learn more about each other, and the connection helps you open up more to your partner. Moreover, communication allows you to let your partner know if you feel there is extra weight on your end or notice that they are drawing away from you.

Being Supportive

Is your partner aware of gender equality? Do they respect the fact that you can both do the same if they teach you or help you to grow? Both partners have their individual lives, be it education or careers. They need to do well in that part of their lives to bring their best game into the relationship. It would help if you were their number one fan in whatever they do, support them in their projects and push them into doing better.

Earning Trust

Trust is earned and not given freely. Make a point of showing that you’re interested in knowing more about your partner and be sincere with your actions. Do things intentionally without expecting anything in return. Once there is trust, equality will eventually build up since you believe that your partner has your best interest in anything.

Listening

How good of a listener are you? The chilling moments when you’re together, eating a home-cooked meal with some wine, are ideal for deep conversations. You should be aware of the time for you to talk and the time for you to listen. Listening gives you a lot of information and perspectives of what your partner is sharing. Good listening skills lead you to more awareness of your partner's character, making it easier for you to learn more about them.

Understanding

Understanding your partner is a crucial factor that builds your relationship. Getting to know your partner's character, what they enjoy doing, and what they have gone through gives you detailed information about them. It usually projects their lives and how they carry themselves out.

Compromising

Compromising is the art of being humble enough to allow your partner's interest to come before your preferences. That pushes you to make sacrifices to ensure that both of you are happy in the relationship. However, your partner shouldn't force you too hard to compromise because it ought to be a mutual thing.

Transparency

Transparency helps you understand what your partner is going through, making you aware of their challenges and shortcomings, and vice versa. Don't be shy to tell them honestly about your feelings, thoughts, and problems. And don't forget to encourage them to do the same, though, without being too pushy.

Love

And, of course, all these efforts won’t make sense if there is no love between you. Love is the basis of the relationship, and through it, equality will be achieved. People in love often address all the above points: communication, support, trust, understanding, and compromise.

Conclusion

Building relationship equality is an essential move in your relationship as it leads to a better connection. Promoting a balance in your relationship gives room for both partners to play their part well and freely relate with their partners without being overwhelmed.

Do you want to build equality in your relationship? What tools do you use for it?

Author's bio:

Jade Langton

 Jade is a finance analyst and has been involved in many successful business projects with a range of companies throughout the country. She started writing 3 years ago and enjoys researching, discussing, and writing on the topics of finances, budgeting, loans over the phone, money advice, lifestyle and wellness. Jade loves to spend time with her family and has a lot of hobbies including hiking, riding a bike, cooking and traveling.

Here are 3 simple ways to strengthen your relationship.

#1 Spend Quality Time Together

This is one of the easiest ways to strengthen your relationship and yet, most people struggle to spend some quality time with their partner. Take a moment and think about how much time you spend with your partner and doing what. 

Is it enough, not enough or too much for the two of you? Does your partner feel the same?

Sit down and communicate with your partner. Understand what they like doing and how they like to spend their time with you. A study conducted by Gotman Research Institute in 2016 indicated that couples who spend 6 hours per week dedicated to each other are highly satisfied. Rather than looking for ideas on the internet on how to spend time with your partner, do the things your partner wants to do with their time. It could be as simple as going to the park and watching the kids play or catching a baseball game. Whatever it is, ensure that you’re attentive and supportive and not glued on your phone. Over time, your partner will reciprocate and you’ll start enjoying spending time with each other doing things you never thought you’d be doing!

Here are a few ways to spend time with your partner during the pandemic:

They’re an incredible way to have some fun and laughter. Invest in a few board games like Monopoly and Life. If you have a busy schedule, find board games that only last for 10-20 minutes.

 Walk Together

Getting out of the house is an excellent way to reduce stress. This is important as it helps you and your partner get rid of work stress and reduces the chances of heated conversations. 

Read Together

You can either read together or read the same book together. Reading together is invaluable as it allows you to grow and evolve together. This also helps you bond as you discuss what’s going on in the book and how you’re interpreting the content. 

Cook together

Sounds, tiring, right? But did you know that’s it’s one of the few activities that uses all your five senses (apart from sex)? This makes it an excellent activity to increase intimacy and relieve stress. If you and your partner don’t know how to cook, you can sign up for a cooking class. 

If you’re just not sure of what to cook, follow some food blogs. For instance, if you’re in the mood to cook Indian and need some inspiration, follow a few Indian Food Blogs. 

#2 Understand Your Partner’s Needs

What are your expectations, needs and wants? Do you know what your partner’s expectations, need and wants are?

Understand that communication is key to build a solid relationship. Sit with your partner and discuss how they can support you and vice versa. If you’re having a bad day and just want someone to comfort you, request your partner to get rid of distractions and listen as you vent. If you want them to be in charge of an errand or a chore, let them know that in advance and help them understand how they can lighten your load. If needs are not being met over a period of time, it causes frustration and resentment. Therefore, it’s better to communicate than repair countless times of frustration, hurt or feelings of being let down.

#3 Compliments, hugs and Kisses

How often do you and your partner compliment each other? Relationship experts advise couples to compliment each other every day. And you don’t even have to mean it! Simple compliments like, “you look beautiful!” and “you’re amazing” have the capacity to drastically change your relationship and form a deeper connection with your partner. Kiss or hug each other at least twice a day. This helps you create physical intimacy that prevents the formation of distance in your relationship. Ever noticed why people in long-distance relationships feel distant? It’s because of the lack of touch. 

Hugs can also reduce stress and decrease blood pressure. So when you embrace your partner, you help them “release” stress and negative emotions which helps you improve and strengthen your relationship.

The Takeaway

Relationships take work but if you communicate with your partner, you’ll know what kind of work you need to be doing. Although all relationships are different and thrive off different behaviours and values, these techniques will definitely help you bring your partner closer and improve your relationship. You can also try expressing anger in a productive way, practising each other’s love languages and give each other space to strengthen your relationship.

Author Bio: Shristi Patni 

Shristi is a content writer and owner of F and B Recipes. She enjoys creating a List of Citrus Fruits or coming up with creative Food Blog Names. Formerly the Chief Content Officer at Raletta, she is currently working on her second cookbook. 

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There is a strong possibility that at least once in your life you have heard from someone (or even said it to yourself), that you are too picky, when it comes to romantic relationships. Is it so?

We very much enjoyed reading this article about pickiness when it comes to romantic relationships by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., and hope you will, too!

Pickiness is a major reason for late bachelorhood among women. Many consider a "gut feeling" as a reason for rejecting a potential partner, though extreme pickiness focuses only on negative traits and is consequently damaging. Here, I will suggest four ways of developing a healthy pickiness, which increases chances of finding a suitable partner.

The Nature of Romantic Pickiness

“You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.” —Alicia Silverstone

Pickiness is a necessary strategy in romantic love (less so in sexual encounters), but due to the complexity of choosing a partner, its nature is similarly complicated. If you are extremely picky, you may find yourself alone; however, if you are not picky at all, you may get divorced, or even worse, be miserable within marriage. We are picky about our car, clothes and food. Why should we not be picky about our romantic partner?

Extremely picky people favor many specific qualities and are not satisfied unless someone fulfills (almost) all of the long list of their desired traits. Their rigid attitude, that of “all or nothing,” lacks a priority order and is damaging because it does not distinguish between superficial and profound traits. Someone extremely picky may disqualify a potential partner because of hair color, height or where they live, even though it is clear that these traits are less important than kindness.

We should distinguish between extreme, harmful pickiness and a balanced, healthy one. An extremely picky person has a rigid, egoistic attitude – they focus on identifying negative traits and feel fear if they fail to do so. They tend to quickly disqualify people and are likely to miss out on suitable candidates because of superficial shortcomings.

In contrast, more flexible people are healthily picky, meaning that their pickiness is based on an accurate picture of reality. It is important to be discerning in the current dating climate, when much information is available. Although pickiness depends on romantic demand and supply, some measure of pickiness exists in everyone.

What Does Healthy Pickiness Look Like?

“Most people can't find love because they're picky, they overanalyze and they find things wrong in people. We call them ‘flaw finders’.” —Patti Stanger

Healthy pickiness is manifested in four important ways. These are looking for the suitable, rather than the perfect, partner; focusing on deal-maker and deal-breaker traits rather than a superficial checklist; integrating emotional intuition with rational considerations; and bringing out the best in each other.

1. Looking for the suitable rather than the perfect partner

“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” —Leo Tolstoy

Extreme pickiness involves a search for a flawless person, focusing on comparison and negative traits, and is devastating for enduring loving relationships. It is far better to search for an imperfect person (like all of us) who is the most suitable for you. Constant comparison is lethal to establishing profound love. Lovers are not accountants — they should focus on nurturing their unique relationship. Harmful pickiness seeks perfection whereas healthy pickiness focuses on the partner most suitable for you (Ben-Ze’ev, 2019).

2. Focusing on deal-maker and deal-breaker traits

Creating a checklist of all desired traits in a partner is common. But extremely picky behavior treats this checklist as paramount, focusing on negative (and mostly superficial) points, to quickly filter out unsuitable candidates. In doing so, profound qualities are neglected. It would be better to choose a few essential traits, significant for enduring thriving love, and about five deal-breaker traits, which express profound unsuitability.

When choosing a romantic partner, we should give greater weight to kindness, generosity, respect, wisdom, attraction and a sense of humor than to superficial traits such as black hair, blue eyes, or being a certain size or weight. Similarly, choosing one who is ambitious with a capacity to succeed is preferable to choosing someone with a fat bank account who drives luxurious cars. Harmful pickiness lacks a meaningful order of priority, while a healthy pickiness follows one, when focusing on essential traits.

3. Intuition combined with rational considerations

“A rational person would know that, under certain conditions, it is better to follow her emotional intuition than to engage in elaborate intellectual gymnastics.” —Jon Elster

Romantic intuition, or a positive gut feeling, is somewhat similar to love at first sight — in both cases, there is an immediate positive perception of the other. Romantic intuition is not mysterious; it is based on evaluative patterns created during evolution and personal development. Such intuition does not necessarily guarantee a genuine enduring love, but it is a valuable starting point. As Steve Jobs said, “As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” We should combine intuition with rational considerations in order to improve our decision-making process, in which long-term factors are considered.

Harmful pickiness gives absolute priority to the heart (e.g., in sexual attraction) or to the intellect (e.g., with a very rich person). Healthy pickiness considers both the heart and intellect while giving the heart priority in choosing which romantic direction to go in.

4. Bringing out the best in each other

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” —Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Profound love brings out the best in each partner and makes them feel good about themselves. Loving couples frequently proclaim that they are a better person since having met the other. Conversely, harmful pickiness focuses on isolated traits that have nothing to do with bringing out the best in each other. Healthy pickiness focuses on the relationship, and in particular, on the potential partner’s ability to improve it while bringing out the best in us.

Does Romance Require Pickiness?

“My mother was very picky in recommending my ideal wife. She wanted me to marry a physician, but as she got older and needed constant help, she recommended a nurse.” —Aaron

“Pickiness shouldn’t focus on isolated traits but on an emotional bond. It is a pity that I wasn’t pickier before my marriage.” —Audrey

Picky people based their uncompromising attitude upon their wish to only have the love they see in the movies. Does romance necessarily need such extreme pickiness?

Romantic love is dynamic and develops over time. The extent of our love is not determined by our search for ideal love, but by nurturing our unique love. Extreme pickiness aims at finding the perfect lover, but in doing so it compromises our ability to find a suitable partner. There is no correlation between romance and pickiness: Sometimes, the opposite is true—pickiness involves fear of committed, enduring romantic relationships. The essence of love resides not in the isolated traits of a person, but the person as a whole.

Even if someone is wise, beautiful and rich, we still may not be attracted to them. In matters of the heart, gut feeling is a better guide. We can, to a certain extent, nurture our heart in order to fulfill what we want.

Though being healthily picky does not allow us to find the perfect person, it is compatible with our wish to create enduring profound love, and it is more valuable than an uncompromising pickiness. Healthy pickiness should focus on future positive development that deepens a connection. You do not need to compromise on what you are feeling, but rather to reconsider what is important for you and act accordingly.

You can find the original article here.

Your performance evaluation at work comes in, and it’s glowing. However, there’s one area that “needs improvement.” Days later, which part do you think about? 

The negative, of course. Part of you knows it’s ridiculous to let that one thing bother you. After all, there’s a lot more good in there than bad, but you can’t seem to help it. 

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our romantic relationships. We all have a negativity bias, or a tendency to focus on the bad aspects of experiences. This makes us more critical of our relationships than we should be. Along the way, we take the good times for granted and they become an underappreciated part of our partnership. But the problems? They stand out. Our partner’s insensitive comments, moods, and messiness regularly capture our full attention. 

Mix this into a relationship that has lost a bit of its spark, and it can be hard to notice anything other than the problems. As Daniel Kahneman describes in Thinking, Fast and Slow, we tend to only see what’s right in front of us and overlook what’s not there at the moment. When problems are all that you see, it feels like that’s all your relationship is. 

In fact, we have such a strong tendency to pick up on the bad stuff that we may even manufacture problems that don’t exist. A study published in Science suggests that if our relationship doesn’t have any major issues, we’re more likely to take what once would have been considered a small issue and feel it’s more problematic.

When we spend our time worrying about the wrong things, we don’t have time to appreciate what’s going right. Not only does this mean our view of the relationship is skewed, but it also means we’re missing out on a meaningful opportunity. While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection. 

The Pillars of Healthy Relationships

To shift your perspective, start by paying more attention to the facets of your relationship that are stable, consistent, and comfortable. Those peaceful, drama-free, status-quo elements are easy to forget, but they’re sources of strength. 

Following are 10 pillars of healthy relationships that research suggests are key to a satisfying, lasting bond. Many of these are likely present in your own relationship; you just need to pause and take notice. 

1. You can be yourself. You and your partner accept each other for who you are; you don’t try to change each other. You can simply be yourself and show your true identity without worrying if your partner will judge you. That’s helpful because research shows that partners who accept each other tend to be more satisfied with their relationships.  

2. You are BFFs. In many ways, your romantic partner is your best friend, and you’re theirs. That’s good news because research suggests that romantic partners who emphasize friendship tend to be more committed and experience more sexual gratification. Romantic relationships that value friendship emphasize emotional support, intimacy, affection, and maintaining a strong bond. They also focus on meeting needs related to caregiving, security, and companionship.  

Spring is here and to a lot of people (me included) it brings the motivation to look into a healthier lifestyle choices. If your loved one is strugling to maintain a healthy lifestyle, this article by Rebecca Shinn is just for you.

If you want your relationship to be healthy, both partners need to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Here are some useful tips that can help you encourage your partner to do the same. Get started with your reading now!

Whether the person is your partner, friend, or family member, you would want them to live healthy, long, and full life. When that person tells you that they are ready to make some positive changes and live a healthy lifestyle, you will be more than eager to help them. However, you may end up bombarding them with your advice (well-intentioned, of course).

Telling your partner what they need to do may not be the most effective route to take; in fact, getting your partner to adopt healthy habits can be quite challenging. However, you can stand as an encouraging and loving force as your partner navigates through these changes themselves. It would help if you never underestimated the power and importance of support so that your partner can start living a healthy lifestyle.

It has been studied that people with stronger support systems often end up sticking to their new healthy habits like reading dating sites review articles. Nagging will only make things end badly. Whether making them love nutritious and healthy foods or getting them to exercise, you need to know how to support and inspire your partner to live healthily.

We’ve put together a list with comprehensive ideas that can help you in this direction.

Find Their Unhealthy Habits

Many habits are considered unhealthy, like not working out, eating junk food, not sleeping on time, etc. If you feel your partner shows some signs of such habits, you need to let them know. Alternatively, it would help if you also tried to find why your partner is doing such things; this is the first step on how to live a healthy lifestyle.

For example, some reasons why your partner may sleep late include working too hard or not getting enough self-time. It leads to exhaustion and will further discourage your partner from exercising. Additionally, your partner may also turn to junk food for comfort.

From the above, we see that one bad habit leads to another. In this case, you must start talking to your partner and understand the reason why they are indulging in unhealthy habits.

Become A Good Role Model

If you want your partner to develop healthy habits, you need to become a good role model. It means that you have to stay active and healthy and start making healthy dietary choices. This way, your partner will likely listen to you and take encouragement if you are successful in implementing these changes yourself.

Working out with your partner will motivate them to make good choices and even support others to do the same. You can also take the initiative to look for healthy lifestyle tips and implement them in your life.

We all bear responsibility for our lives. Taking charge of our destiny, handling our choices carefully and installing discipline in our daily lives will create momentum not only for us, but for all the people who see us succeed.

Remember, you don’t need to become a role model for someone else. Become your own role model to influence others as well.

Try To Make These Changes Into A Fun Experience

The best way to motivate your partner to develop healthy lifestyle changes is to make the experience fun. It will keep them on the right track and encourage them to make healthier choices.

One of the best ways to do this is to take a class together. You need to figure out what appeals to your partner and then work together towards your fitness goals as a couple. Doing these activities together has shown to improve relationships as well. It enhances bonding and brings you closer to your partner, all while improving your physical health as well.

Keep Reminding Them of The Benefits of A Healthy Lifestyle

If you and your partner are healthy, your relationship will be healthy. You must let your partner know the benefits of getting some exercise daily, drinking enough water, eating right, and making healthier decisions. Several healthy lifestyle apps will show you the benefits of healthy lifestyle habits.

Of course, your partner may already know how living healthy will benefit their physical form. A simple 30-minute exercise regime will improve the cardiovascular system, increase mental alertness, libido, reduces cholesterol, and increase energy and stamina.

However, do they know the benefits to their mental benefits of a healthy lifestyle? According to research, it has been found that aerobic exercises like dancing or walking have proven to reduce depression and anxiety. There are many studies that describe the benefits of various sports and types of activities. A healthy lifestyle must include exercise.

Take Charge of The Nutrition

If you are in charge of the kitchen, then you can use this opportunity to start implementing healthy food habits into your partner. You must start slowly. Begin by introducing healthy dinner meals 2-3 times a week. Additionally, you can also set up timetables. For instance, many couples follow 'Meatless Monday,' where couples consume vegetarian dishes for the entire day.

Overall, it is all about balance. The meals need to provide enough nutrition to the body so that your partner does not feel restricted and successful with their health goals.

However, make sure your communicate constantly. Ask your partner for feedback and be prepared to compromise sometimes. Change is hard and you need to remember that long-term habits need long-term efforts. Be patient.

Respect Your Partner

Mutual respect between partners is not only reserved for child-rearing and finances. It also applies to exercise choices and the diet preferred by your partner. If your partner feels that you are condescending to them or being picked on, they will not sustain healthy habits.

Always ask why your partner is unable to do specific exercises, rather than force it on them. You will be surprised by the underlying causes you can easily tackle together, like feeling overwhelmed, stress at work, etc. Make them understand the importance of a healthy lifestyle, not force it.

However, make sure your communicate constantly. Ask your partner for feedback and be prepared to compromise sometimes. Change is hard and you need to remember that long-term habits need long-term efforts. Be patient.

Always Look At The Positive Side

Yes, it is difficult to watch your partner get sick or become unable to do certain things due to bad lifestyles. It is essential to focus on the positive changes that you support.

For instance, your partner may still make some unhealthy choices. Instead of getting angry about this, look for the small seeds of changes you have planted on your partner. Of course, people can't adapt to new lifestyle habits overnight. They will still stumble a few times on the way to the goal.

However, make sure your communicate constantly. Ask your partner for feedback and be prepared to compromise sometimes. Change is hard and you need to remember that long-term habits need long-term efforts. Be patient.

Final Thoughts

If a couple has developed healthy habits, they will have a healthy relationship. Of course, there may be specific challenges to make your partner follow healthy lifestyles, especially when it comes to working out and/or diet. With the help of the healthy lifestyle motivation tips mentioned above, you will get through your partner and live a healthy life together.

Always remember that change doesn’t take place overnight, and “supporting” is not the same thing as “forcing”. Even if you understand the power of discipline and know the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, your partner might need time to see things from your angle. Make sure your discuss this together.

What do you think of all this? Let us know in the comments!

Authors bio:

Rebecca Shinn is a freelance writer for best hookup sites review and relationship expert with a psychology degree. Her field of expertise is relationship, dating, and marriage. The important part of Rebecca’s practice is to help couples with communication skills, problem-solving skills, stress management, or financial skills. 

Rebecca started writing 2 years ago to inspire and help people to have a better dating life, healthy relationships, or find a way to keep a marriage strong for long years.

With all said above, Rebecca is proud to be a mother and a wife so she doesn't only use her knowledge for helping others but keeping her family strong and happy.

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Photos used in the article made by Andrea Piacquadio and  Jack Sparrow from Pexels

A sense of humor is an attractive trait. There is abundant cross cultural evidence that shows that being funny makes you more desirable as a mate, especially if you are a man. But once the initial flirting is over, and you are in a romantic relationship, how large a role does humor play?

For dating couples, the use of positive humor (for example, using humor to cheer up your date) can positively contribute to relationship satisfaction. The use of aggressive humor, on the other hand (teasing and making fun of your partner) has the opposite effect. These feelings can fluctuate on a day-to-day basis, depending on each partner’s use of humor.

For long-term relationships, such as in marriages, couples generally share a similar sense of humor—although similarities in sense of humor are not associated with greater marital satisfaction, nor with longer marriages. Perhaps not surprisingly, the research that resulted in this finding also found that couples with fewer children laugh more, compared to couples with a larger number of children.

In another study, conducted with 3,000 married couples from five countries, both husbands and wives were found to be happier with a humorous partner, but this trait was reported to be more important for the marital satisfaction of the wives than the husbands. Interestingly, both husbands and wives thought that the husband was humorous more often. Regardless, married couples overwhelmingly say that humor has a positive impact on their marriages.

Conflict resolution

But what happens when things aren’t going so well? Humor is a great icebreaker and a social lubricant, but can it also help resolve conflict in marriages? In one study, researchers observed 60 newlywed couples when they discussed a problem in their marriage. They coded how much humor was used in the conversation. The couples also completed a measure of life stress. What researchers found when they followed up 18 months later was quite surprising. In couples that reported high stress, the more the husband used humor, the greater the chance the couple would separate or divorce.

By contrast, in a similar study with 130 married couples, a wife’s use of humor predicted greater marital stability over six years, but only if the humor led to a decrease in their husband’s heart rate. In other words, if the humor calms the husbands, then it might be beneficial to their marriages.

These two studies show the disparate function of humor for men and women. For men, humor might serve as a way to distract from dealing with problems in the relationship, perhaps in an attempt to reduce their own anxiety. Women, on the other hand, may use humor to create a more relaxed atmosphere that can facilitate reconciliation.

 Read the full artilcle by Gil Greengross, Ph.D., here.

If you have at least once in your life felt guilty for taking time off or time to yourself, this article by Rasha Janie is for you. Read about some of the "tips and tricks" on how to treat yourself and why that is so important.

Being productive all the time just isn't practical. The responsible thing to do is staying on top of your obligations like your career, family, and bills, sure, but there's nothing wrong with indulging in things once in a while. Self-care is a buzzword that has been floating around in the wellness space for quite some time now, but why do we actually need it?

Why it's important to treat yourself

For starters, deprivation is not a healthy way to form good habits. You may think that you're productive by working yourself to the bone, but cutting out things that make you happy just prevents you from living a healthy and happy life. You don't want to end up with feelings of resentment, frustration, and depletion only because you don't allow yourself to indulge.

Not to mention, taking the time to treat and reward yourself can make you feel rejuvenated, improve your mood, and prevent burnout. In short: treating yourself is crucial to you overall wellbeing. 

How to treat yourself

Source: Pixabay

Purchase items from your wishlist

If you're like most people, you probably have a running list of things you'd like to have. Whether it's a mental list or one that's written down on paper, many of us have something that we want to purchase but haven't done so because of multiple reasons, with practicality being the first and foremost.

But once in a while, there's nothing wrong with treating yourself by buying one or two things from your list, provided that they fit into your budget. It can be a book you've always had your eye on, supplies for a project you've been meaning to work on, or maybe clothing, shoes, or jewellery. It can even be an experience, like going to a concert or an art exhibition.

Treat yourself to things you like once in a while. After all, the money you're going to spend was earned from your own hard work.

Have a mental health day

It's normal to feel stressed, but if you feel like your stress levels have reached their peak, take it as a signal to take a quick break to reset. Taking a mental health day — a day off specifically for stress relief and preventing burnout — is perhaps the best thing you can do for yourself. While one day isn't enough to solve issues that lead to burnout, a mental health day can do wonders to your mental health. Not only does it give you a much-needed break to pause and regroup, but having a ‘quiet day’ allows you to come back with more energy and a fresher perspective.

Rest and practice yoga

Treating yourself doesn't necessarily have to come from a monetary standpoint. Sometimes, treating yourself comes in the form of taking good care of your wellbeing. It pays to have a rest day and indulging in things that can help you relax your mind and body, like practicing yoga, is always beneficial. While yoga can be intimidating at first, yoga has the capacity to heal your mind and body. It helps alleviate depression, anxiety, and insomnia, providing your mental and physical health a boost as well as introducing some much-needed healing into your routine. After your rest day, you can even integrate yoga into your regular routine, as practicing regularly allows you to focus on the mind, connect with your consciousness, and discover peace.

Dabble in journaling and creative writing

Journaling is a very therapeutic practice that is often used as a tool to combat stress. You can use it to untangle your thoughts and track your mood, or even express your feelings through random doodles. In one study, participants struggling with depression were instructed to journal about their deepest thoughts and feelings. After doing so for 20 minutes a day across three days, most of them reported less depressive symptoms. So the next time you want some ‘me time’, go and pick up a pen and paper.

Exclusively written for weedcontrolsprayrigs.com
By: Rasha Janie

For many people, these past few months in lockdown might be the longest they have ever gone without physical contact with a friend. In our new Hidden Value series, we explore the effect "skin hunger" is having on our wellbeing.

“I can't do any sort of work without touching someone. It is part of my profession,” says Joy Adenuga, a London-based makeup artist. Since the end of March, when the UK went into lockdown, beauty professionals like her have had to stop working, and as yet there is no plan for them to return to work.

“I love being able to chit-chat with my clients. And being close to them is so important. I am right in front of their face, touching their face, chatting. I took a drastic hit mentally when the work stopped,” she says. “Psychologically the first two weeks I was mentally down.”

Adenuga says that the loss of income is not the sole reason for feeling down. She is used to the seasonality of her work; most of her clients are brides and weddings peak at various times of the year. There are times in quiet seasons when Adenuga will have less paid work, so instead she will pay for models whose photographs she uses in her portfolio as part of marketing on Instagram.

“I miss it so much,” says Adenuga. “My husband is like, ‘Hell no, don’t come here with that brush’.”

Beauty is not the only industry which has been restricted by social distancing rules. Professionals from personal trainers to tailors have found it difficult to work under the guidelines. Some have been able to continue to work using video calls. “One of the first things I did when I realised the world is going virtual; I did virtual consultation,” says Adenuga. “Since I cannot come to you to do your makeup I am going to teach you how to do it yourself. This went on for two months, but it is not the same, I am sorry. I want to reach out through the phone – through the computer screen.”

Adenuga is describing “skin hunger”: a longing to touch or be touched in a social way. She is like so many others who have realised that life became a lot less intimate in lockdown. Makeup artist Mary Greenwell recently posted a video of herself working with a friend with whom she is in a closed “bubble”. “I am blessed to be able to touch and be a part of the family,” she wrote. “This was the first person I have touched since lockdown.”

Cue an outpouring from her followers. “Isn’t it funny that human touch – I don’t mean in a romantic or family love sense – but just that human touch we experience on an everyday basis is so important,” wrote one.

“I agree,” replied another. “So many elderly folk crave human touch and their one only human touch ever is their hair stylist. It’s an important part of being human, isn’t it? I think of older people who live alone and have no one.”

Why is it that we crave to be close to others? And why is human touch so hard to replace?

Kory Floyd, a communication professor at the University of Arizona, is an expert on affection deprivation. Skin hunger, or “touch deprivation”, is one aspect of this, though Floyd has also researched how the elderly or isolated are deprived in other ways, like not having someone to talk to.

The current situation is unique in that those people who previously felt isolated still feel alone while people who probably never felt isolated before are being deprived of affection in one specific way – touch. While social contact can be maintained on the phone or via video calls, we cannot, or should not, be close to one another. And the effects are noticeable.

Floyd says that we feel skin hunger when we notice a discrepancy between the amount of touch we want and the amount that we receive. It means that the signals are very similar to regular hunger – we only notice it when we’re not getting enough of what we want.

“People are missing touch often without realising it,” says Floyd. “They feel a general sense of ill ease. In part because they haven’t had a hug in three weeks, they’ve not touched grandkids or been around their parents or spouse.”

Clearly, some people have greater needs than others. The amount of touch we desire is personal, though Floyd says there are very few people who will need absolutely none at all.

Floyd says there is a normal distribution of desire to be touched across the population, meaning most people are somewhere between needing a lot or needing a little. “Some people are touch aversive or avoidant so minimal amounts are preferable,” he says. “Some people need a great deal of touch to feel like they are thriving.”

But people who are more likely to feel lonely are more likely to say they are deprived of touch or affection in general. “And the people who are loneliest are young adults, from population studies,” he says. “The second loneliest are the elderly. Those are the two populations who are missing the tactile interaction the most.”

Traditionally we might think of the elderly as the most lonely group, but “often their circumstances have not changed significantly”, says Floyd. “They might have changed somewhat, they might not see grandchildren – they might be looking at their family members through a glass window. By and large there is a good proportion whose circumstances have not changed substantially.” The people who are most put out by lockdown are those who are used to being around their peers on a daily basis.

Substitutes for human touch come in various forms from techie, internet-enabled prosthetics, called telehaptics, to human-sized, warming pillows. These are imperfect substitutes. In the case of telehaptics, where the touch might be controlled by a loved one remotely, the feelings might be good, but they are not equal to real human touch from that person.

Before the spread of the virus, people who were feeling under touched might choose to go to “cuddle parties”, where strangers can agree to touch each other affectionately in a controlled environment. Again, the solution is imperfect. While this touch may be real, Floyd questions the authenticity of it.

“As long as you are not reacting negatively to touch, it is not invasive or threatening, then some is better than none at all, and touch from a loved one is better still,” he says. “It is better to be touched by a cuddle professional or massage therapist – that is better than nothing at all. When touch is coupled with a positive emotional connection with other people, that magnifies the benefit for our wellness.”

To this end, even exchanging touch with a pet can be hugely beneficial. Unlike with cuddle parties, the affection of a pet has some genuineness – they are getting something out of it too, rather than it being a transaction between two strangers. Animal shelters around the world have reported spikes in adoption rates during lockdown, and data suggests, at least in the US, that shelters are running out of animals to put up for adoption.

Some public health officials in the US have called people to no longer shake hands when businesses return to work. It has caused a lot of speculation about whether we will ever go back to normal.

For Adenuga, getting back to normal is likely to involve wearing gloves and a face shield when she can finally see clients again. She is puzzled how she can work properly in gloves, when so much of her work requires physically touching her clients’ skin, but thinks she might find a way around it.

The bigger concern for her is how to form those important bonds with her clients while covering her face. “I am working with someone who is inviting me to be a part of her special day – one of the best days of her life. The morning of her wedding she is happy, we have a little chit-chat. A mask is going to kill the mood.”

“Most times the brides are excited but I get ones that are nervous and I use a calming effect, calming her nerves, saying the right things, not allowing her to get nervous. I am not sure how that is going to work with a mask. It literally just occurred to me now.”

Are close interactions going to be a thing of the past? “My speculation is that we will very quickly return to normal, whether we should or not is another question,” says Floyd. “But we have been in pandemics before. Those ways of interacting have not gone by the wayside.”

“They are so normal, comforting, it is so important to our wellbeing that I think that there will be a period of caution where we think twice, but my speculation is that we will get beyond that and get back to normal pretty quickly.”

For now, Adenuga is restricted to posting throwback photos on Instagram and reliving her work in memory. “I long to work again,” she says. “One day.”

Karīna Plotņikova, Client Service Manager

weedcontrolsprayrigs.com

P.S. Check out our Home Wear sets for him and her to feel fancy and comfortable while working from home.

In this stressful and complicated time, when there is more restrictions around us and some of us are quarantining, we are living much closer and seeing each other more often than we used to in our everyday lives. Because our lives are much more restricted as they used to be, we have more reasons and bigger desire to find something  to complain about.  There are better and worse ways of doing that, so it is important that we choose the right method, so that we don't offend or annoy others around us. Complaining is a skill, so here are few suggestions on how to complain more successfully. 

1. Layering criticism with reassurance

Any criticism (as we know when we’re on the receiving end) feels like a withdrawal of love. Therefore it’s extremely helpful to convey great admiration and respect as we’re announcing our negative insight.

Compare the effect of saying:– You know your breath stinks. It’s disgusting. 

As opposed to:– I love giving you a kiss, but there’s just this one tiny thing: it’s even nicer when you’ve just brushed your teeth.

Or:– Why the hell were you flirting with that idiotic person? 

As opposed to:– You are so lovely and I can’t help imagining other people finding you attractive. Don’t blame me for being selfish: I want to keep you to myself. 

2. Making it clear that it’s normal, and understandable, for your partner to have this failing

One of the things we are primed to resent is being made to feel freakish or being negatively compared to others who are ‘good’, while (obviously) we are ‘bad’.

We say:– No-one on the planet has to put up with this, why can’t you see that obviously it was your turn to take the bins out?

Instead of:– Taking the bins out is obviously about the most boring task imaginable. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to get out of it, but it occurs to me that maybe yesterday it was actually your turn.

Or:– You’ve become probably the least imaginative person in the world in bed. Martin and Jannine are fucking like crazy, what’s wrong with you? 

Instead of:– I don’t know anyone whose sex life has stood the test of time, but maybe we could slightly buck the trend

3. Use qualifiers – maybe, perhaps, possibly, by chance

Often what we hate about criticism is its directness. In a secret part of our minds we’re not inherently unwilling to accept that we’re very far from perfect – but we can’t bear having certain truths stated to us bluntly.

Compare:– I hate the way you try to tell a story: you’re like some demented robot that has no idea what needs to be explained first, what’s an irrelevant detail or what the point of the whole thing is. 

With:– It sometimes seems to me that maybe you haven’t entirely got in focus the reaction you are hoping to elicit from others.

Or:– You are such a revolting snob, I want to die of shame when I hear you pontificating in front of other people. 

With: – I wonder if it’s just possible that at times not everyone fully identifies with the interesting point you are making.

4. Explain what is genuinely at stake for you

We don’t realise it, but often our criticism doesn’t perfectly target the real source of our distress: we lash out and condemn our partner in their whole being, rather than surgically addressing a very precise problem.

We might say:– You’re such an A-hole.

Rather than:– When you were slightly abrupt with my mother, it made my unhappy. I totally understand: she’s not your best friend and she can be pretty annoying; but I feel I have to be loyal to her, I can’t emotionally afford to alienate her more than I already have. I hardly dare ask, but I’d love you to grit your teeth and be sweet with her. I know its a lot to ask but it would mean so much to me.

Or even:– You’ve ruined my whole life!

Rather than:– It’s pretty difficult to explain, but I have this quite intense thing about cutlery. I know it sounds weird, but it does bother me when the knives and forks don’t match. Ultimately I suppose matching means harmony for me. It’s a little detail that speaks about a grand theme. When you bought those new knives, I know your were thinking they were a bargain – but would you mind very much if  we kept them in reserve. Maybe on Saturday we can go and look for some others.

5. Reveal the longing beneath the complaint

Quite often, when we complain there’s a vulnerable part of us that wants to be recognised, appreciated and looked after. But we’re understandably nervous about revealing our deepest hopes. So instead we go on the attack.

We opt for:– You promised you’d be here at seven and it’s seven fourteen, you drive me mad! 

But don’t dare admit:– I was counting down the time till you got here, I’m so excited and nervous that we’ve got this time just to ourselves, I worry that I’m keener on you than you are on me. I so want things to go well, that’s why I’m agitated – a few minutes doesn’t really matter.

We say:– Did you really pay that for a haircut, I can’t believe how vain you are.

Because we can’t admit:– I’m worried that you don’t think I’m attractive, so when I see you taking an interest in your own appearance it makes me feel you are too good for me. I feel very unsure about being liked or found interesting or appealing and I want you to understand this about me. 

In each pair of statements the underlying criticism is exactly the same but it is delivered in radically different ways. So to conclude everything, we understand that it is really important to say our thoughts and opinions to other people around us, but even more important is finding the best way to do that. Saying our opinion may be too critical or maybe too harsh for the others ears, because people don't like hearing criticism, and it almost always will be associated with negativity. By doing it the right way it can be a healthy part of every relationships, because we express our opinion to the other in an inoffensive way.

Anna Andersone, CEO 
weedcontrolsprayrigs Clothing
www.weedcontrolsprayrigs.com

P.S. We've created clothing for hugs to remind us of hugging every day in a fun way! Check it out:

But it’s an under-researched field and so to fill in some of the gaps BBC Radio 4 launched The Touch Test in collaboration with Welcome Collection and psychologists at Goldsmiths, University of London. 

You can hear results here - https://weedcontrolsprayrigs.com/programmes/m000n5xx

Meanwhile, here are seven things you should know about touch...

1. Touch is the first sense to develop

In the womb a foetus is thought to experience touch before it can hear, smell or taste. As the pregnancy progresses, twins even reach out to touch each other. After birth we know that “kangaroo care” – where the baby is held close to a caregiver’s skin – helps the baby to feel calmer and to sleep better.

2. The skin is the body’s largest sense organ

Human skin covers a surface area of at least two square metres. Sensors in the skin allow us to experience pressure, vibration and pain as well as temperature and physical pleasure. These sensors adapt rapidly to light touch, which means that within moments of putting on our clothes, we forget that they’re touching our skin, provided they’re not itchy of course.

3. We use different kinds of nerve fibers to detect different kinds of touch

Fast nerve fibers respond when our skin is pricked or poked, relaying messages to an area of the brain called the somatosensory cortex. But in recent years, the neuroscientist Prof Francis McGlone has been studying another type of nerve fiber (known as afferent C fibers) which conducts information at around a fiftieth of the speed of the other kind.

They relay the information to a different part of the brain called the insular cortex – an area which also processes taste and emotion. So why has this slow system developed as well as the fast one? Francis McGlone believes slow fibers are there to promote social bonding through gentle stroking of the skin.

4. Even a simple touch on the arm can convey a range of different emotions

Experiments have shown that people can convey a list of emotions to a stranger through nothing more than a touch on the arm. If their arm was stroked or pressed or squeezed, a stranger could correctly identify the emotions the person was trying to communicate up to 83% of the time, with emotions ranging from anger, fear and disgust to love, gratitude, and sympathy.

5. The touch of another human being can reduce stress in adults as well as babies

Research has shown that physical contact with other people can reduce the effect of stress on our bodies. In an experiment conducted in 2003 people were asked to watch a five-minute romantic video while holding hands with their partner, followed by a 20-second hug. After that they were given just two minutes to prepare a speech which was recorded and then played back to them. Tests like this are designed to be so stressful that usually the blood pressure and the heart rates of the people taking part shoot up. But holding hands and having a hug from their partner meant they only rose half as much as usual. This is why we have created clothing for hugs that allows human touch and connection wherever we are!

6. We have rules which permit us to us touch each other more in some situations than others

Strong cultural norms tell when it’s OK to touch each other. When you see a colleague in the office you might well greet them differently from when you bump into them on a night out. And in cafés, for example, there doesn’t tend to be much interpersonal touch, while at an airport people behave rather differently. In an observational study conducted in airport departure and arrivals lounges, 60% of people touch each other physically, hugging, kissing or shaking hands.

7. In our digital age touch still matters when it comes to shopping

Although we live in a visual age where our attention is grabbed by how things look, we still care about how things feel. Despite the convenience, only 9% of shopping is done online. Is this partly because we want to touch items before we buy? Marketing professor Joann Peck spent hours observing the way consumers behave in shops. She found a lot of individual variation in how much we touch the goods laid out in front of us. Some people just look, but others, the “high need for touch” people, are so keen to touch before they buy they tear packets open so that they can feel what’s inside.

Information source is here. 

Anna Andersone, CEO 
weedcontrolsprayrigs Clothing
www.weedcontrolsprayrigs.com

P.S. We've created clothing for hugs to remind us of hugging every day in a fun way! Check it out:

Sure, there is something to be said about the over-abundance and physical clutter which the more developed parts of the word are living in, and where the problem is often not “how to acquire more things”, but, rather, “how to get rid of more of what I already own”. While there exist extreme minimalists, which welcome no unexpected new material additions to their households, we might as well assume that the average person would not shy away from a truly meaningful gift. But what exactly is a meaningful gift, and what do you, as the potential gift-giver, need to know before you give? Well, let’s bring some science into the equation.

Let the numbers do the talking

Around 15% or 1 out of 7 Europeans receive gifts they don’t want, while another 10% could not remember their most recent present. On the other side of the pond, an estimated 62% of Americans expected to be given gifts they do not want in 2019. Although 68% of people in the US consider gift-giving one of their ‘love languages’, the number of people who are not satisfied with what they get is growing. Giving gifts that are meaningful to the recipient is a challenge that can be met using results of scientific studies.

Why not ask the expert?

One study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology looked at the appreciation and thoughtfulness of giving and receiving unsolicited and solicited gifts. According to the research, recipients are more appreciative of gifts that they openly requested than those they did not. Gift givers, on the other hand, assumed that both solicited and unsolicited presents will be equally valued. The difference in opinions is that gift givers believe unsought presents are considered more thoughtful and considerate.

Thus, if you don’t know what to give someone you know on their birthday, the simplest solution to your dilemma is to ask them what they want. On the other hand, if you know the person well enough, you might be able to tell what they want as gifts. Whether they opt for a monthly subscription box, sustainable clothing, or a wellness voucher, getting something that they desire is well appreciated. Offering a gift that they want is also an expression of how well you know them.

Aim for practical gifts

In another study (Baskin et al, 2014), the authors studied how gift givers evaluate the desirability and convenience of a present to understand what the recipient wants. Gift-givers gave a state of the art pen which is considered highly desirable. However, receivers who got the desirable pen did not feel the same way preferring practical long-life ink retractable pens.

The study suggests that gift-givers interpret gift-giving abstractedly and value desirability over the feasibility attributes of a present. They also do not choose gifts that maximize the happiness of the recipients even though they believe they are doing so. Hence, when buying a gift, consider if the receiver will find use for it. For example, you might want to gift a friend with a dinner voucher at a fancy restaurant. Unfortunately, the restaurant is out of town, and public transportation is limited. In addition, your friend has no car and would need to take a taxi. In this situation, you might want to choose a good restaurant that is closer to their home making it a practical and more attractive alternative to the receiver. 

Where does it leave us?

So, we can conclude that gift-giving – the giving of meaningful gifts that the receiver will enjoy and appreciate – is not such an easy thing. But the trick doesn’t lie in the supposed mysteriousness of gifts. The usually false assumption of the giver is that the gift should surprise the recipient – that the surprise is the central element of the gift. But that might last only until the wrapping is removed.

So, a good practice of gift-giving doesn’t need to be a struggle to create a surprise. The happiness of the receiver and the meaning of your gift will only be enhanced by the actual usefulness of the gift. So – either ask the receiver directly, or give a practical gift that they need, and will use and appreciate. No mystery required!

 Article prepared in collaboration with Jennifer Mackintosh

Agra Lieģe

About the author: I am a reader, a writer and I love hiking in the mountains. If I can avoid going shopping to IKEA - I will. And I enjoy thinking and writing about the things that keep me up at night the most. Especially, if  there is even the slightest chance that it might help bring about even the tiniest bit of change.

“Titanic”, “Love Actually” and pretty much every other romance-based film, as well as countless ads and the books of pulp fiction quality have since forever been trying to make us feel like we’re missing out - exactly due to their portrayals of romance, affection and unending love. And this, in turn, gives a chance for any company or service provider, which works in the “romance department”, to cash in big time on days such as Valentine’s day.

Will you be my Valentine? (if I shower you with gifts)

It is a day when every imaginable surface is covered in red paper hearts, when flower shops make you feel like a comic book villain for not choosing the more expensive bouquet, and when you’re supposed to be on a romantic dinner-date in an expensive restaurant while wearing an expensive dress/suit no matter what. Who’s to say if it gets much better with age, but from secondary school on this has been a day of fierce competition. Even if you’re in a relationship (God help you survive this day if you happen not to be in one on a day like this!), whether you’re enjoying this day or not is not so crucial – mainly you’re supposed to deliver.

Deliver the incredibly important information which will validate your social status for yet another year – did you get flowers? A good big bunch of roses? (Ideally this bouquet should be courier-delivered to your workplace for everyone to see with their own eyes, of course.) Any other kind of expensive present? And which restaurant did you go to?

But it is only one thing to start realizing that it really shouldn’t matter, and it really shouldn’t be about the amount of money spent on useless gifts, which are only there for the show (and for the consumerism machinery to keep rolling). Maybe, if these flashy gestures really worked and would really secure this promised unending love for us, it would be worth doing all this once a year. But the goings on of this day really seem to beg another question – is love really a once-a-year kind of thing? Can it be sufficiently cherished, taken care of or and salvaged by the rare grand and flashy gesture? I think we all know the answer to this one, but somehow, instead of using this knowledge in practice, it seems that in today’s world we become more and more isolated and less able to maintain healthy and functional relationships in the long run. How come?

Reap what you sow

Because relationships are sometimes hard. They are not always a walk in the park, but the films don’t teach you that – after the great-gesture ending, the kisses, the music, the promises of unending love, the curtain falls and we’re left to figure out the fineries of a couple’s daily life on our own. Events such as Valentine’s day might work very well for the benefit of companies selling stuff and providing services, but for us – the people scrambling about and trying to figure things out they’re not much help – such a day only propagates the idea that relationships require annual check-up (grand as it might be), rather than daily maintenance.

When you look around it seems to be the case with everything important – the grand stuff is usually just the tip of the iceberg. The fit and healthy body of somebody who works out at the gym is the result of daily work and diet – it doesn't come from one day’s annual fasting, while eating cake and sitting on the couch for the other 364 days. The violinist performing the solo piece at a symphonic concert has not earned the central place on the stage because he picked the violin up the same day and just got lucky. In fact, if you’ve seen the bruised spots on the necks of the greatest violinists, you will not doubt that their excellence is the result of tedious daily work – far away from the applauses, sparkling dresses and champagne.

Relationships are no magical exception – you reap what you sow, so to speak. But somehow, even though our romantic relationship with our life partner is clearly one of the greatest contributors to both our potential happiness and sorrow, we often struggle to make it work – we struggle a lot.

Meeting someone you like and falling in love is a piece of cake – wouldn’t you say? It seems to just happen by itself and requires zero conscious effort from our part. Sure, there is the Sex and the City type of struggle, which is related to the whole starting the relationship thing: am I going too fast? What is he thinking? What should I do after the first/second/third date? When should we exchange keys? Of course, these and the similar ones are also fully valid questions, but the biggest question is this – are you ready for the challenges that are coming, and the compromises that the actual relationship will require? Are you willing to really bind your life to someone else’s and go with it, as they say, through joys and sorrows?

Whatever it takes

We asked people on Facebook, prior to the coming Valentine’s day, what they thought was the most important factor for maintaining healthy and happy relationships in the long run. An overwhelming majority of respondents mentioned communication and willingness to listen and really hear the other person, to talk openly, compassionately and with a goal to find the solution – and not to win the fight.

Communication – verbal and physical – is literally the one and only way we relate to other people. We can share a home, a car, a bank account, have children together and sit at the same table twice a day, but that guarantees you nothing. If you are not interested in and willing to truly share with another person, the relationship cannot survive – it becomes like a plant that doesn’t receive the sunlight and water.

And, if the positive communication doesn’t take place daily, the grand gestures performed couple of times a year – on a Valentine’s day or on the wedding anniversary will make no difference. When we start out, madly in love, we might think it’s impossible – to not be so overwhelmed with this person anymore, to not want to touch them constantly and proclaim our unending love every minute.

But then life kicks in. We get comfortable, more ordinary maybe, more flawed than when we were on our uttermost and best behaviour constantly, trying to impress and please the other. We become human again, and we still love the other person, but it might go over our head that this is the moment to start putting in work. It doesn’t have to be a struggle; it doesn’t have to feel like a chore – but it will not happen on its own.

And this is the time to start working on the small, everyday habits that promote positive relationships. The small touches, which don’t necessarily have to lead to wild sex on the kitchen floor every time. No – the stroking of hair, the kiss on the cheek, the habit of hand-holding. The smile when you wake up and go to sleep, the hugs for no reason whatsoever. The talks. The “how was your day?”, followed by actual, careful listening and with your mobile phone stored away, because the actual, breathing human being in front of you deserves the entirety of your attention.

This is also the time to start working on the friendship. To, first, see your partner as your friend – before he’s a lover, a fellow parent, a person you live with. To always approach them friendly, to aim at solving all small and big issues amicably, to realize that you have common goals and only good things to lose by one of you “winning”. To be a friend even when you’re tired and annoyed, even when it’s been so long that you feel like you could say anything. Don’t. Because you wouldn’t to a friend.

Where does that leave Valentine’s day?

There is nothing wrong with going out for a nice dinner or gifting flowers or any other small and thoughtful gift to your partner. It can be on Valentine’s day, it can be on any other day, or you might have an entirely different idea of what people should do together and receive from one another. We are all different, and there should be no external pressure on how we should be celebrating Valentine’s day or whether we should celebrate it at all.

There is something to be said also about the social arrangement where the man is the provider of the Valentine’s days goods, while the woman is the receiver – the one sitting and waiting on the good stuff to happen to her, and her value and self-worth reliant on it. When you are in a partnership – a partnership which is based on friendship and communication, one person is not the entertainer and the one to deliver all goods.

The social pressure, gender roles and consumerism aside, Valentine’s day might still have something to offer to us. While we don’t have to spend it in any one particular way, it still is a day that can make us slow down in our daily run and duties, and look back at another year - another year together, another year of love. To mark it off, to remember the good and the hard, to say thank you to one another, and to move further again, hand in hand.

Agra Lieģe

About the author: I am a reader, a writer and I love hiking in the mountains. If I can avoid going shopping to IKEA - I will. And I enjoy thinking and writing about the things that keep me up at night the most. Especially, if  there is even the slightest chance that it might help bring about even the tiniest bit of change.

The foundation of Danish happiness

There is a chance that you’ve heard the Danish word “hygge” before. Media talks about the “Danish lifestyle” and the “Danish obsession with cosiness” and there are articles promising to teach you “How to be more Danish” through the practice of hygge. Hygge is being simplified and almost fetishized and has certainly gained international popularity.

Hygge does have a fairly strong material component – there are items which seem inseparable from the experience, and, of course, there is nothing wrong with bringing more physical cosiness into your everyday life – think candles, blankets etc. But there is a chance that some of the core aspects of hygge – the stuff, that really makes it “work” are lost in translation.

Perhaps, the Danish never intended to educate the whole world on this practice and happiness in the first place, but the numbers speak for themselves – Denmark has consistently ranked in the top three happiest countries in the world in the UN’s World Happiness report over the past seven years.

No doubt, to at least a certain extent, happiness is highly subjective and not a one-size-fits-all kind of notion. Our values, goals and priorities (whatever has the potential to make us happy) differ – not just among nations but among every two individuals on a street! That said, we might be more successful in borrowing some useful knowledge and tips if we focus on the similarities - rather than differences – and what the Danes can tell us about happiness.

A central and widely discussed reason why the Danes (along with pretty much all the other Nordic countries) are so happy is that they live in a welfare state – a state that promotes the economic and social wellbeing of its citizens by offering things like universal free healthcare, free university education and fairly generous unemployment benefits. The economic and social security and well-being that such a state offers can be easily linked to the model created by the Russian-American psychologist Abraham Maslow, whose “pyramid” we have all heard of.

The rule of Maslow and why we can’t escape it

At the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid sit the most elementary human needs – for food, water, sleep and security. It is claimed (and probably very obvious to each one of us) that, while these most basic needs are not fulfilled, we cannot even think about pursuing more purposeful goals, such as “love and belonging”, “self-esteem” and “self-actualization”.

So, clearly, physical needs are crucial and, without fulfilling them, happiness and well-being is hardly imaginable. But, at the same time, fulfilling them alone (and even over-doing them) is not enough to bring about happiness and well-being. This has been suggested by the results of many research projects, among which are ones conducted by Meik Wiking, the CEO of the (wait for it!) Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark, as well as the author of the best-selling book “The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living”.

Part of the conclusion they’ve reached is that, except in very poor countries, where meeting the basic needs can be a daily struggle to many, happiness depends more on the quality of our close relationships than on material well-being. It might not seem like ground-breaking news (after all, isn’t this what every inspirational quote of Facebook is telling us?), but, then again, Danes seem to be equally victorious in this department, taking full control also of the “love and belonging” segment in Maslow’s pyramid. How come?

What is “hygge”

Meik Wiking of the Happiness Research Institute claims that the Danish happiness has very much to do with “hygge” – and it’s time we learnt a bit more about what it is! Even Wiking himself admits that it’s not an easy concept to explain and that Winnie the Pooh might have been onto something when he said (about love): “You don’t spell it, you feel it!”. While for the non-Danish “hygge” is also not the easiest word to spell and pronounce, let’s try to get to the core of it.

“Hygge” (pronounced hyoo·guh) has been called anything from “cosy togetherness”, “cosiness of the soul”, “the art of creating intimacy” to (more academically) “a quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture).” It is about atmosphere and experience. “Hygge” is characterised by the deep sense of safety and security, by the strong conviction that you can let your guard down completely. It is about being with the people we love and about feeling at home.

The concept of hygge combines tradition (Christmas time and the Danish Christmas traditions are the very centre-point of it), togetherness and many different “hyggelig” activities and even objects. (Let’s bring some new vocabulary in, shall we? “Hyggelig” is basically hygge-like, possessing the characteristics of hygge. It refers to the feeling, mood, atmosphere and spirit, and contains something pleasant, relaxed, safe, comfortable and recognizable. I’ll use the chance to go full-on grammatical on you and mention that “hyggelig” is the adjective and “hyggeligt” is the adverb.)

How to hygge: objects

In the minds of the Danes hygge is inseparable from various objects and situations when they are used, such as candles. When asked about what they most associate with hygge, candles are mentioned by an overwhelming 85% of Danes. The Danish people set the European record in candle consumption over and over again, each of them burning six kilos of candle wax per year (to put it in perspective, the closest runner up – Austria – is behind by half, burning only 3,16 kilos per person).

Danes are clearly obsessed with light, since candles are not the only hyggelig lighting objects. They select lamps very carefully (it is, of course, also a Scandinavian design “thing”) and, more importantly, place them strategically to create cosy, soothing pools of light, which create the perfect hygge atmosphere. They select restaurants to pay a visit to based on whether hyggelig lighting can be expected or not, and the general rule for artificial lighting is – the lower the hue, the more hygge. Sunsets and candle flames are about 1800 Kelvin, and this is the hue you’re looking for when you want to experience hygge.

Since we’re onto the light subject, I cannot skip mentioning fireplaces. There are around 750,000 fireplaces and wood-fired stoves in Denmark, a country with little more than 2,5 million homes. This is 3 out of 10, while, for example, in the United Kingdom there are 1 million fireplaces to the total of 28 million homes. For Danes fireplace is the ultimate hygge headquarters, around which people can spend time, feeling cosy and warm, and, most importantly, feeling the hyggelig togetherness intensified. Especially if there is a thunderstorm roaring outside…

The list goes on, and close to the top of it is a “hyggekrog” – a nook, a special place in the room (very often this will be the bay window, where the windowsill is turned into a proper hygge den), where you snuggle up with a blanket, book and a cup of tea. And sweets. Hygge is definitely not about dieting and calory-counting, since sweets, cakes and hearty, soulful savoury dishes have a special place reserved on the hygge VIP list.

The minimalist and casual, yet stylish approach to clothing might seem characteristic to the whole Nordics and not just Denmark exclusively, but the Danes are definitely no exception – the casual and simple comfort perfectly describes hyggelig dressing style.  Scarves, soft fabrics, wool and knits are very Danish, and comfort and cosiness are very much prioritized. It appears that the hygge-inspired focus on positive experiences also applies to the way they select and use clothing – through buying consciously, refusing to follow fleeting fads and weekly changes in fashion, focussing on the sensation and emotion, bonding with the piece of clothing. There is even the term “hyggebukser”, which refers to your favourite hygge pants…

How to hygge: activities

You can certainly hygge by yourself. That’s what the hyggekrog is designed for – you snuggle up with your favourite hot drink, with a good book, a diary or an old photo album, you light a candle or a fireplace and hygge away. But the most hyggelig moments are, nevertheless, the ones which you spend with other people.

Hygge can take place both indoors and outdoors. The perfect image of indoor hygge is of a stormy evening in a small forest cabin, where you’re snuggled up around the fireplace with your closest friends or family, playing board games, drinking mulled wine, having light and cosy conversations (controversial topics, such as politics, religion and such are considered non-hyggelig or “uhyggeligt”) or just enjoying a comfortable silence, while listening to the rain tapping on the roof. As for the conversations – everyone is very much aware that hygge is not the time for bringing up sensitive topics or creating tension; nor is it the time to boast and try to show yourself off.

Indoor hygge has also very much to do with cooking – usually, cooking together. The concept of Slow Food is very alive and well in the Nordic countries, and this is evident also in the food-related practices of hygge. It is very much about the process and not the result – cooking is another fun, cosy and slow bonding experience to have. Hardly ever it is about one person rummaging about in the kitchen to impress others with their cooking – no, it is about the communal experience of spending the evening together creatively and in an egalitarian fashion.

Hygge can take place outdoors too. While autumn and winter with the flames and hot drinks might seem like the obvious hygge seasons, hygge is widely practiced in summer and generally during the warmer, more outdoorsy times. Think hiking and camping, spending nights in tents and sitting around a campfire (surprise, surprise), roasting potatoes, singing and listening to the crackling of logs. It is easy to transport hygge to such circumstances and places, because at the very core of it lies simplicity and laid-back attitude. Hygge is never about fancy and expensive things and experiences, if anything, it is the complete antithesis of that. The simpler, the cosier. And, the cosier, the more hygge.

Is hygge the cause of happiness?

So, what does it have to do with the legendary Danish happiness? Everything, it seems. With their most elementary needs thoroughly fulfilled by their welfare state, they are in a position to confirm that the material security and welfare alone will not make you happy. But we know what the next level on Maslow's pyramid is – and the Danes are fully exploring its potential.

The research carried out by the Happiness Research Institute validates the claim that the base element among those who consider themselves happy is, without exception, their meaningful and positive social relationships. At the same time, when individuals experience social isolation, many of the same brain regions become active that are active during the experience of physical pain. Relationships – rewarding, close, intimate relationships are what makes us happy, safe and fulfilled. Relationships which are consciously developed, attended to and allowed to flourish in a safe and cosy environment is the fabric that holds our whole life together.

I am willing to bet that hygge – when explained with various definitions and examples is not some weird, alien concept to you. I’m actually willing to bet that you’ve experienced it too. You might not call it hygge (or anything at all), but you know it when you feel it (like Winnie the Pooh). We are all capable of hygge, and (I’m betting a lot today) we all enjoy hygge. But the Danes have put a label on it – and, clearly, it has paid off.

Hygge-like (hyggelig) moments are probably ones that constitute our fondest memories, and we would all like to go “there” again. But, to be honest, it seems pretty unpredictable, doesn’t it? Many of us probably haven’t thought about working actively on the environment that could bring such precious moments about – again and again. But the Danes have. With the use of hygge they have discovered a way to consciously cultivate happiness – not just to randomly and occasionally stumble upon it.

Hygge allows to plan for and reserve the time for the little everyday happiness – which, as we all know, is not actually so little. “Everyday” – this is where most of our lives play out and what we have in great abundance. It seems relatively easy to be happy once a year during an exotic beach holiday, sipping cocktails and enjoying the water. Hygge is what motivates and structures the way we make the most of all the other – more mundane, “everyday” times. Benjamin Franklin said: “Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom.” Which just goes to show that you don’t have to be Danish to know and achieve this for yourself.

Hygge dictionary

Fredagshygge/Søndagshygge [Fredashooga/Sundashooga]

The Hygge you have on Fridays and Sundays

Hyggebukser [hoogabucksr]

Your cosy, homey hygge pants

Hyggehjørnet [hoogajornet]

To be in the mood for hygge

Hyggekrog [hoogacrow]

The nook in the kitchen or living room, where one can sit and have hyggelig time

Hyggeonkel [hoogaunkel]

A person who plays with the kids and may be a little too lenient

Hyggesnak [hoogasnak]

Chit-chat or cosy conversation that doesn’t touch on controversial issues

Hyggestund [hoogastun]

A moment of hygge

Uhyggeligt [uh-hoogalit]

Creepy, scary, contrary to the sense of safety and security that hygge and hyggelig things possess

Agra Lieģe

About the author: I am a reader, a writer and I love hiking in the mountains. If I can avoid going shopping to IKEA - I will. And I enjoy thinking and writing about the things that keep me up at night the most. Especially, if  there is even the slightest chance that it might help bring about even the tiniest bit of change.

As the festive season is in full swing we too get to think about Christmas gifts and the very idea of gift giving. Usually during the few weeks of the pre-Christmas countdown you find lots of articles online offering advice and tips on the “what’s”, “where’s” and “how much’es” regarding Christmas gifts. While that might often come handy, this article will not be quite of that sort. We at weedcontrolsprayrigs believe that minimalism is fully compatible with conscious and careful buying and gift-giving. We don’t shy away from owning and offering nice things (that’s part of what we’re doing here!), but we also see the reason in spending less and, consequently, living more and spending more time with our loved ones. This is why, during what is probably for many the most stressful time of the year, we’d like to offer you the account of Agra Lieģe, who talks about the way minimalism in her life has lead to a more conscious and liberating approach to gift-giving. There is practical advice too, so dig in!

For a while now I had been reflective of the concept of gift-giving. At the same time, in the close vicinity of these thoughts resided my growing awareness of the meaning of minimalism in my life. I might not have called it that to begin with, but my beliefs and life choices were steering me more and more in this direction. And it so happened, quite naturally, that the issue of gift-giving in the context of my slowly emerging minimalist identity became more acute with the rapidly approaching Christmas season – the time of ferocious buying.

Every little helps – Marie Kondo and decluttering

Until recently the word “minimalism”, for the most part, was linked in my mind, slightly ironically, with the name of Marie Kondo. I have to admit that I did watch quite a few episodes of “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” and had a bit of a laugh too. At the centre of this show is Marie Kondo, the tiny cute Japanese “organizing consultant”, who in each episode goes over to yet another massively over-stuffed American house and makes its’ inhabitants get rid of everything that fails to “spark joy” in them.

It was all good and well until Marie Kondo launched her own online store, basically implying that once you’ve gotten rid of your own useless crap, you should start buying her useless crap to fill the newly emerged gap. But that’s probably another story for another time. Anyway, at the very least the show inspired me to move into a new wallet (whilst getting rid of all the useless receipts, loyalty cards and expired credit cards from the old wallet) and re-organize my sock drawer.

Earlier this year I made a big move – I moved to live in Poland, and the moving process itself helped me to minimize my belongings considerably. Thus, while watching the scary mountains of Marie Kondo’s clients’ clothing being exposed in the show, I could already give myself a slightly smug pat on the back for having left most of these of troubles behind. And yet, while this DIY mini-minimalism works well enough at our home, it didn’t help to solve the issue of gift-giving – Christmas gift-giving in particular.

Whatever is wrong with buying gifts?

For a while now I’ve felt that there is something wrong with the idea of gift-giving – at least with the idea that you absolutely must give gifts to other people on particular days of the year. I fully support free-style gifting – giving something you’ve accidentally come across to someone close to you who, you are certain, will absolutely love and use the thing… but this is very often not how Christmas gifts work, is it?

Last Saturday me and my partner went Christmas shopping for the kind of small (and mostly chocolate-based) gifts which you need to stock up in bulk for all the expected and unexpected marginally Christmas-related meetings you’re about to have in the near future. We were pretty efficient and only spent a couple of hours doing this. We even had the time afterwards to go to our favourite old fashioned bakery next to a beautiful park in Poznan called “Francuski łącznik” for coffee and pie, so the day was not fully lost.

But somehow I couldn’t shake the feeling that no human being should ever take even a tiny step in the direction which goes against their gut feeling. And spending practically all daylight hours in a supermarket definitely felt that way to me. I have to mention that we are not stingy people, nor do we hate our friends and family, and wish to deprive them of anything that they deserve. But somehow the idea of random material objects being the best and most valuable thing that you can contribute to someone else’s life started to feel more and more ridiculous.

Consumerism versus minimalism

And then some kind of cosmic magic took place – we were browsing Netflix that evening (after putting away all the chocolates, cookies, plum-flavoured vodka bottles and wrapping supplies and pouring a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc) and this film “Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things” came up. We decided to give it a go and after mere couple of minutes in we were already hooked. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect, for the dissatisfaction over a day off partially spent in the shops was still gnawing at us.

The film’s message was crisp, well structured and insightful. The whole thing was narrated by the two self-proclaimed minimalists Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus (they also run the informationally dense website), who had both arrived at the realization that money has failed to buy them happiness. They had come to the logical conclusion that the American Dream should be ditched and, leaving behind six figure corporate jobs, they had begun their minimalist journey, hoping to bring others along.

Long story short, minimalism is not about deprivation – it doesn’t encourage you too live a monk-style life, rejecting the material world as such. In a way it is more materialistic than it might sound, because it invites you to enjoy good things – but only the ones that you actually need and are able to use. Which is why it also seems so clearly to be telling the story of what’s wrong with the Christmas gift-shopping in today’s world.

For all our Latvian readers, we can suggest following the Seek the simple blog and Instagram account. Their last post on Instagram is about Christmas gifts, and what a great one! You can read about minimalism on their blog (in Latvian) and learn from them by watching their live videos or attending lectures.

Gift-giving – proceed with caution

Certainly, in this world there are people in great need – in great need of the most basic things. But this is not what I’m talking about here. The people involved in the ubiquitous consumerist charade are not in need of more stuff. Of more random stuff that somebody, forced by a tradition, felt obliged to purchase and gift them. I, for one, am ready to give up the whole concept of gifting altogether. Me and my partner talked about this after watching the film and, as the first step, we promised to completely stop giving to each other for whatever the occasion – be it birthdays, Christmases, Valentine’s days, what have you.

We also joked that this year, when giving Christmas gifts to family and friends we’ll also be formally announcing that this is the last time they’re getting something from us. Well, who knows, we might actually do it. But it doesn’t need to be all black and white. I don’t actually oppose giving – what I oppose is the stressful and for many also hard-to-afford exchange of meaningless garbage, which is adding zero value to people’s lives. And I oppose the equation of gift-giving to care, attention and love. These things are what they are – you can give them directly, and don’t need the medium of material items.

Now what?

All that said, I also believe that I have some humble advice to give with regards to gift-giving. I don’t live in the dream world, and I understand that not everyone can proudly turn their back on family and societal traditions, and simply decide to walk away from gift-giving. At this point you already more or less know what my approach to consumerism is. In the light of this I can tell you about how I approach gift-giving personally and, who knows, it might even turn out to be useful for you this month.

Gift type 1 - experiences

Here’s something I’ve already been doing for some time now. I feel especially comfortable with this practice because it is as much a rule for me as it is for thee, so to speak. I very much enjoy experiences – therefore, whenever possible I try to spend money and time on experiences, rather than things. It is not a rule – it is just what I know feels right for me. I love theatre, opera, classical music concerts and travel, and these experiences are forever more important to me than the things the same money could buy. Therefore, I feel comfortable and positively joyful to give these experiences as gifts to others too.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be all fine arts-related – our tastes differ as much as our gift budgets do. But surely there does exist an experiential gift which is both affordable for you and potentially joy-sparking for the person it is intended for. It can be an air ticket and it can be a ticket to a movie in the closest movie theatre. As long as you are thoughtful about what the recipient might enjoy, you will not get this wrong. A little something that says – I’ve spent some time thinking about you, about who you are, about what you enjoy, about how important you are to me – will go a long way.

Experiences enrich lives, while material things might just end up sitting on the shelf, adding no value whatsoever. For me it’s almost down to a gut feeling – I feel light and happy having gifted an experience which I know the recipient will appreciate and enjoy.

Gift type 2 – practical gifts

Another kind of gift, which I feel very comfortable giving, is a practical gift – something that the recipient actually needs and will definitely be using. I know that practical gifts tend to get bad press – like in the joke where the husband gives the wife an iron or another boring household item for Christmas, and the romance is as good as dead. But I really think that there’s nothing wrong with practical giving, as long as it’s thoughtful and informed.

A practical, useful gift can really go a long way – it will make someone’s life easier, which is not a small thing. If someone close to you is between jobs, struggling, moving houses or if you simply know that they’re in need of something specific, I’m positive that in this situation they’ll appreciate a practical gift much more than any kind of luxury item. If you feel uncomfortable about it or unsure – be open and talk to them. Tell them that this year you’d like to give something actually useful, rather than do the mostly unsuccessful guesswork. They’ll love it.

I can tell you what I just did. I have a 19 year old sister, and I’ve been badgering her for over a year now to finally start working towards getting a driver’s licence. My argument was – do it while someone else (namely, parents) is willing to pay for it! But, somehow, it was still not happening. So, I decided that it’s time for a little Christmas magic – a slightly enforced practical gift. I got my dad on board too (it is expensive, after all!) and signed her up for the course. I did talk to her before, though, because, of course, it’s her time and her daily routine that has to be considered, but she was happy to do it. And I can tell you, this really felt like a good gift to give.

Gift type 3 – time “vouchers”

Another kind of gift which I consider to be a great option for both adults and kids are the time and service vouchers. Let me explain. This is a great and potentially humorous DIY gift, which literally anyone can give to anyone else, provided that you know something about their needs and wishes, and that you have some time and energy to share. This is basically the giving of the most precious thing there is – your time, but (in order for things not to get too sappy) it comes in a fun packaging.

I will give you an example – this is something I have wanted to do for quite some time, but haven’t gotten around to yet. I have a friend (my best friend, actually), who’s recently had her third child, and, as you can imagine, time has become a pretty precious commodity for her. We don’t live in the same country anymore, which makes this gift a bit tricky for me to give right now, but I’ll try to figure it out. Basically, my idea was to give her a voucher book – a little handmade thing with a bunch of vouchers inside, each of which would give her an evening off – the “Evening Off” vouchers. This way I’d gift her my time as a babysitter and she could do whatever she wants. A date-night with her husband, perhaps?

This is one way to do it, but there are as many ways as there are people. I’m sure you’re already thinking of your own way of gifting your time to someone for whom it would be precious. It can be more than just time – you can offer your skills and talents too. You can gift language lessons, musical instrument lessons, a crash course in digital marketing or continental philosophy. Or give a voucher which requires you to go over and bake cookies at request. You know. Whatever it is. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

You might have company

These are just few examples of what I consider to be conscious and thoughtful gift-giving. I’m sure you’ll go and have your own brilliant ideas. All I’m trying to say is – don’t do it out of inertia, don’t do it beyond your means, don’t do it stressed and only because you’re supposed to.

Talk to your friends and family about some other type of arrangement – maybe you can all go somewhere nice together this year and spend the gift money on tickets? Maybe you can do some charity work together, if everyone gets on board? Or maybe one of you is in greater need than others this year, and the funds could somehow go to only them? You might feel like you’ll be the odd one out to suggest something like this, but it’s worth a try – perhaps you’re not the only one who’d like to finally wake up from the nightmare of consumerist Christmas and do it your own way instead.

Have a great holiday season, however you celebrate!

Agra Lieģe

About the author: I am a reader, a writer and I love hiking in the mountains. If I can avoid going shopping to IKEA - I will. And I enjoy thinking and writing about the things that keep me up at night the most. Especially, if  there is even the slightest chance that it might help bring about even the tiniest bit of change.

Once my uncle said you can trap honey bees in the bottom of Mason jar without lids because they don’t look up, they just walk around bitterly bumping into the glass walls. This story describes a little bit the feelings of those who are going through depression. You might know there is a way to get out, but still, you are bound to the repetitive thoughts, behaviour and feelings.

Depression is a global epidemic:

About 10% of the world population is suffering from depression. More than three million people suffer from depression worldwide, an increase of more than 18% between 2006 & 2015.

“Mental health disorders like depression cost the global economy one trillion $ in lost productivity a year - World Health Organization.”

Despite the USA, being one of the wealthiest countries in the world and spending a huge amount of money in the healthcare system, it is very hard to find solutions for these mental health issues. Because depression deals with internal suffering which cannot be seen physically. Even greatest comedians of our time like Jim Carey, Robin Williams, Woody Allen and many more have gone through depression and undertaken antidepressants like Prozac upon the prescription of their doctors. 

"I had to get off [Prozac] at a certain point," said Carrey. "You need to get out of bed every day and say that life is good. That's what I did, although at times it was very difficult for me.”

For example, in 2018, the study shows that 300,000 Britons lose their jobs each year because of mental illnesses. The estimated losses to the economy range between £74 billion to £99 billion a year.

Why does depression happen?

We all have a set of needs that the psychologist Abraham Maslow has defined and categorised in 5 main stages. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology comprising a five-tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid.

Needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to needs higher up. From the bottom of the hierarchy upwards, the needs are: physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization.

And the causes of depression can be linked to people not being able to fulfil some or one of those needs.

Some of the main reasons for depression and mental health issues are:

• Abuse. Past physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can increase the vulnerability to clinical depression later in life. This affects our feeling od security - our Safety needs.
• Certain medications and serious ilness. Some drugs, such as isotretinoin (used to treat acne), the antiviral drug interferon-alpha, and corticosteroids, can increase your risk of depression. This affects our Physiological needs - we need to feel healthy to feel good.
• Conflict. Depression in someone who has the biological vulnerability to develop depression may result from personal conflicts or disputes with family members or friends. This affects our Love and Belonging needs.
• Death or a loss. Sadness or grief from the death or loss of a loved one, though natural, may increase the risk of depression. Also connected to our Love and Belonging needs.
• Genetics. A family history of depression may increase the risk. It's thought that depression is a complex trait, meaning that there are probably many different genes that each exert small effects, rather than a single gene that contributes to disease risk. The genetics of depression, like most psychiatric disorders, are not as simple or straightforward as in purely genetic diseases such as Huntington's chorea or cystic fibrosis. Some of the causes are purely genetic.
• Major events. Even good events such as starting a new job, graduating, or getting married can lead to depression. So can moving, losing a job or income, getting divorced, or retiring. However, the syndrome of clinical depression is never just a "normal" response to stressful life events. This might be connected to the Love and Belonging needs, that are not met and thus create too much stress.
• Other personal problems. Problems such as social isolation due to other mental illnesses or being cast out of a family or social group can contribute to the risk of developing clinical depression. Again Love and Belonging needs.
• Substance abuse. Nearly 30% of people with substance abuse problems also have major or clinical depression. Even if drugs or alcohol temporarily make you feel better, they ultimately will aggravate depression. Substances are often correlated to mental health issues and they surely do not help in fighting them.

What makes a happy life?

If we analyse the reasons for mental health issues and research on what makes a good and happy life, maybe we can come to some kind of conclusion about how to fight depression and anxiety.

What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're mistaken. As the director of a 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction and this is what the Grant Study has found and Dr. Waldinger presents. 

If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous. 

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life.

And this is all fine, if we look at Maslow's pyramid of needs - we do need to work on Esteem needs and Self-actualisation. However the 75 years long study found something that is a single one most important factor in building a happy life:

 "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. " - Dr. Robert Waldinger 

What are the benefits of good relationships?

Waldinger says: "We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely. 

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective. 

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline."

So how can we fight depression, mental illness and anxiety consciously?

"If you want to change the world, go home and love your family."  - Mother Theresa

We can take small steps one at a time. Start by greeting our loved ones and looking them in the eye. Hugging them every day when we meet and when we depart. Injecting them with that love and trust hormone Oxytocin, scientifically speaking. And letting them know unconsciously that they are loved, just by giving them those touches of love.

So on this #WorldMentalHealthDay I invite every one of you to think extra about the hugs, kisses and touches you can give your close ones. And help our world in this fight.

Yours,

Anna Andersone, CEO 
weedcontrolsprayrigs Clothing
www.weedcontrolsprayrigs.com

P.S. We've created clothing for hugs to remind us of hugging every day in a fun way! Check it out:

It is Friday, September 13 and so we decided to talk about 13 most important benefits of these small gifts called "hugs" that we can give each other every day!

When two hearts ♥ are pressed together in a hug:

1. We communicate our feelings in a way words cannot
   - It helps us be more open and communicate better.
   
   
2. The bonding and trust hormone Oxytocin is released and we feel safe
   - It reduces the feelings of loneliness, anger and depression.
   
   
3. It is easier to handle conflicts
   - A recent research, led by Carnegie Mellon’s Michael Murphy, reveals the important role that hugs can play in buffering against the negative impact of interpersonal conflict such as disagreements and arguments. When individuals experienced conflict when they had had a hug, they experienced less negative affect and more positive affect. 
   
   
4. We increase intimacy and that improves our sex life
   - Hugging can lead to kisses and kissing may lead to more intimate moments. A hug a day can improve the intimacy in your marriage. It can even lead to a more vibrant sex life. ;)
   TIP: Try out clothing for hugs to spice up your foreplay and start playing already outside the bedroom ;)
   
   
5. Stress hormone Cortisol leaves our body and we are protected from stress-related illness
   - When we are stressed our nerve endings send information to the body to release the hormone cortisol. This hormone slows down the body’s healing process. Cortisol stimulates the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response, which, if not controlled, creates a number of health problems. Studies have shown that hugging can affect cortisol levels in the body by causing the release of a hormone, oxytocin, known as the ‘love hormone’.
   
   
6. More Serotonin is released in our bodies
   - That makes us feel more happy, just improves our mood!
   TIP: Try making it a pleasant surprise too. Surprises release great hormones that remind us of the feeling of falling in love. A surprising touch of skin through the secret pocket might awaken great feelings!
   
   
7. Our immune system is boosted
   - The pressure on Solar plexus and chest bone supports release of white blood cells and keeps us healthy.
   - Scientists have been investigating the link between physical touch and a healthy immune system. In a 2015 study involving 404 healthy adults, researchers from Carnegie Mellon University examined the effects of receiving hugs on the immune system. Participants were tested on their susceptibility to the common cold, after being exposed to the virus. It turns out that the people who received more hugs, and greater social support, were less likely to get sick.
   
   
8. We feel more self-confident
   - Touch is the first of our senses we develop in the womb and reaches maturity well before the other senses do, the touches of our parents make us feel loved. This feeling is saved in out nervous system and hugs remind us of this.
   
   
9. Our muscles relax 
   - During a hug the blood circulation is improved in soft tissue, this helps release muscle stress and pain.
   
   
10. This keeps us young and maintains our muscle strength
    - Research results demonstrate that Oxytocin is important in maintaining a youthful body and healthy muscles. Since hugging increases the body’s capacity to release oxytocin, it also has the capability to help prevent ageing. ;)
    
    
11. Our nervous system is balanced
    - When we hug, a network of tiny, egg-shaped pressure sensors called the pacinian corpuscles send messages to the brain via the Vagus nerve, this creates a more balanced nervous system.
    
    
12. It is like Meditation
    - Hugs teach us of being here and now. They fill us with energy and change our thinking, they help us understand feelings.
    
    
13. We exchange energy
    - Filling us with empathy and understanding.
    
    

Moreover, hugs can help with: relieving pain, depression, insomnia and anxiety and even food cravings.

Just hug!

Devoted to my best friend and husband, Kārlis Andersons, and my two soul-mates Karlīna and Elīza!

About the Author:

Anna Andersone, CEO 
weedcontrolsprayrigs Clothing
www.weedcontrolsprayrigs.com

P.S. We've created clothing for hugs to remind us of hugging every day in a fun way! Check it out:

Marriage and love often follow seven periods. If we knew about these periods 80% of all marriages might not be divorced.

We choose our partner. However if we want to feel strong love, we need to get to know each other, create a friendship first and only after that we can love deeply. Many people think that the first love, the romantic falling in love, is the real one. But when romance disappears, the pink glasses fall, we face the first problems and challenges in our relationships. And some people think that love is gone. However, trust and patience, those are the most important love counterparts. If you think that love in your relationships “is over”, you can be sure that true love hasn't even begun. Read about these seven relationship periods, they might show you how true love and strong relationships are only built over time.

1. THE ROMANTIC PERIOD 💅+🥂+😍 +💝

The romantic period is approximately eighteen months long. Both women and men feel in love, our bodies are filled with hormones that help us see the world in more bright colors. During this period everything about our partner seems wonderful and amazing. People might feel like under the influence of some light drugs. It is not recommended to make serious decisions during this period, as this light dizzy feeling will fade away and reality will kick in.

2. THE SATURATED PERIOD 😘+🛀+🧐

During this period we start to see our partner and our relationship clearly. Emotions calm down, we gradually get used to each other. As a result our behaviour changes and we start to feel free.

3. THE REPULSE PERIOD ☢️ + 🤢

Those who have long lasting relationships can’t be protected from this period. It is typical to have a lot of disputes and we look for deficiencies in our partner. And it often feels like divorce is the best solution. If we divorce we can make new romantic relationships with another partner. And then all of these periods start all over again. So in the new relationships we might come to this third period and feel ready for a new partner.

4. THE PATIENCE PERIOD 👁

In this relationship period both partners are growing wiser. The disputes are not so dramatic any more because both partners know that the dispute will end but the relationship will continue. If both partners are doing everything they can to grow their patience, with time they learn how to be wiser. That is the rule.

5. THE RESPONSIBILITY AND RESPECT PERIOD ❣️

This is the first period of real love, because there has been no real love until this time. Both partners are aware our their obligations. They start to think not what the other person can do for me, but what can I do for the person I love.

6. THE FRIENDSHIP PERIOD 💞

In this period both partners become really close. They trust each other like best friends. This friendship period opens the doors to true love.

7. THE TRUE LOVE PERIOD 💜

It is a really long road through difficult life periods and tricky situations to reach true love. True love is not the one that just falls at your feet, contrary to what many of us believe. Reaching true and mature love demands that we are mature personalities, who can give up our ego and prejudice.

Source: justfun.su

What do you think about that?

About the Author:

Anna Andersone, CEO
weedcontrolsprayrigs Clothing
www.weedcontrolsprayrigs.com

P.S. Check out weedcontrolsprayrigs - clothing for hugs that I have created to boost relationships in the long run :)

• Make their jaws drop or
• Make their hearts melt (but preferably - both!).

Something that's heartfelt and thoughtful, perhaps a bit quirky, but also practical and with meaning. No less important - the present should fit your budget.

To guide you in the quest for the ultimate wedding gift, we've compiled this list of 25 unique and creative wedding gift ideas for every taste - and every budget.

0-50€

1. Grow a plant

Getting the happy couple a green wedding gift combines the best of both worlds - it's inexpensive and it's something that will last (when properly tended to).

Marketing professional Hannah Rowe who's given plants as wedding gifts explains: “It shows that you've put time and effort into it, and if they can keep it going, it will be a perpetual reminder of their happy day,” she says.

However, it might not be such a good idea if you're giving the gift to someone who might forget to water their plants. Keeping that in mind, opt for plants that last longer to symbolize the happy couple's relationship. Options like jade, philodendron, peace lily, ficus, or bonsai trees will last for many years.

Price: Plants starting at €10 + a custom-made wedding pot starting at €18.50

2. Personalized star map

Image source: Michelle McGrady Photography

Chris Martin from Coldplay once encouraged lovers to “look at the stars, look how they shine for you”. While you probably won't be able to get Chris to come sing at the wedding, you can have the wedding day encapsulated in a personalized star map.

The “Under Lucky Stars” map is beautifully crafted and shows the unique alignment of the stars at a date and place of your picking - in this case, the wedding day and location. You can adjust the title and the footnote for a final personal touch.

Price: Starting from €40

3. Themed gift basket

Creative and personalized themed baskets make lovely DIY wedding gifts and show that you really put thought into the surprise.

Start by figuring out what's the theme that defines the happy couple. Are they both fans of the hit TV series 'Vikings'? Are they enthusiastic mountain climbers? Or do they both simply love Italian cuisine?

Then fill the basket with goodies like books, clothing and food items, spices, wine, and more that associate with the theme.

Price: Depends on the content, but will cost starting from €20-€30

4. Engraved chopping board

Image source: Hugo's Workshop

With plenty of takeout food options and services like Uber Eats available, it's really easy to forget why we even bother to cook at home. However, science confirms that cooking with your partner helps to build a stable partnership and can even increase your partner's attractiveness factor.

So why not get the newly weds something to motivate their adventures in the kitchen? Like an engraved oak chopping board that can be used while cooking or when serving cheese, bread, and other delicious goodies. Personalize it with a sincere message engraved in your own handwriting. Cheers to cooking with love!

Price: Starting from €35

5. Honeymoon notebook

Image source: Norma & Dorothy

After the unforgettable wedding day, comes the wonderful honeymoon. With long walks on the beach or hikes in the mountains, staying up late, and enjoying each other's company, it's really a special time for the newly married couple. Is there any way to make it last longer? Definitely - by taking notes of the honeymoon memories.  

Similarly to a photo album, this personalized foiled honeymoon memory book will keep all those precious vacation moments collected neatly in one place and will take the newlyweds (and after a while, their kids and grandkids even) down memory lane anytime they thumb through the notebook's pages.

Price: Starting from €29

6. Personalized heart map

Image source: Etsy

Here's the thing with art prints and wall art. As affordable (and visually appealing) gifts as they make, home decor of all sorts can end up collecting dust in the basement if your taste doesn't coincide with the couple's.

If you still want to gift them something to compliment their interior, opt for both an ascetic and aesthetic choice - like this handmade framed heart map.

The map shows any special location of your choice - so you can pick anything from the couple's current living location to the place of their engagement or wedding. You can even combine several maps in one artwork (for example, the location where the couple met, where they got engaged, and where they said “I do” to each other).

Price: Starting from €36.

51-100€

7. weedcontrolsprayrigs hug-enhancing clothing

Did you know that hugs and touches are essential to building a strong, lasting relationship and can help maintain a successful marriage? Research shows that the reciprocity of touch increases intimacy and satisfaction, as well as fosters the bond between two people.

weedcontrolsprayrigs - clothing for hugs. Linen and cotton dresses, bamboo and GOTS t-shirts.

weedcontrolsprayrigs couples' clothing is the perfect gift to encourage touches on a daily basis. The comfy cotton fleece clothing has symmetric secret openings at the back to make it easier to hug and touch no matter what's stage of relationship the couple's in. A great pick for newlyweds to help them keep that fire burning until their golden wedding anniversary and longer.

Price: “Hold me” sweater set - €99

8. Custom Settlers of Catan board

Image source: Etsy

Did you know that playing board games is not only fun, but is also proven to reduce stress? Board games also help with memory formation and train your cognitive skills. On the top of it all, playing board games is an excellent way for the whole family to get together and strengthen their bond.

If you're thinking of getting the happy couple a board game, consider the super addictive and entertaining Settlers of Catan and pair it with this custom game board hand-made out of birch plywood. It will last a lifetime and can be passed onto the next generations.

Price: €73 (+ €35 if you need to gift the actual game as well)

9. Personalized recipe book

Image source: Etsy

When it comes to sentimental value and heritage, nothing compares to a family cookbook that's filled with cherished recipes from previous generations - including grandma's cherry pie or aunt Nellie's cinnamon buns that taste especially good during Christmas time.

Help the new family start their own family cookbook by giving them a very special gift - a personalized recipe book binder that will help them store all their favorite recipes in one place. This cookbook is made from environmentally friendly materials with a non-toxic water-based coating and can be personalized with the couple's family name or inscription on the cover and the spine.

Price: €55

10. Coffee maker

Image source: Cnet

Coffee is the most popular beverage in the world with more than 400 billion cups consumed each year. Are the newlyweds coffee lovers, too? While you probably won't hire a personal full beard hipster barista to quench their thirst, you can give them the gift of a premium coffee maker that will brew the dark brown deliciousness every morning like nobody's business.

For example, the Bonavita Connoisseur is a top rated coffee maker that will brew an 8-cup batch of top-notch coffee in about 6 minutes and keep it hot in its thermal stainless steel carafe for those long newlywed weekend brunches.

Price: €95

11. Soundwave print of their favorite song

Image source: Etsy

Do a little bit of digging around and find out what song the couple will be dancing their first dance to. It definitely means a lot to them, so - why not turn that song into a piece of art that they can enjoy in their home?

You can do that with this custom soundwave artwork that visualizes the audio of a song as a graph of sound amplitude (loudness) over time. The artwork is very unique and is printed on thick, durable matte paper. If this doesn't make an effective wedding gift for music lovers and musicians, we don't know what will.

Price: €60

101-300€

12. Couples spa treatment and massages

To make the honeymoon phase last a bit longer, gift the new Mr. and Mrs. something they can experience and indulge in together - and day at the spa!

Spa treatments for couples and duo massages are not only romantic and intimate, they're super relaxing and will set their mind at ease long after the spa session has ended.

Depending on the spa, a couple's massage can include soothing music, aromatherapy, and candle lighting. A day package at the spa can include massages, beauty treatments, saunas, pools, and more.

Price: Approximately €70-€140 for a 60-minute massage. Full day at the spa for two persons will cost starting from €230.

13. Sleeping bag for two

Image source: Smarter Travel

If the people getting married are the outdoorsy type, get them something that will revolutionize their camping experience - like a sleeping bag built for two!

For example, this Tru.Comfort Doublewide bag provides contact with bae, yet controls the overall temperature. It's wider than a standard double sleeping bag and even comes with a hood that functions as pillows, two personal snuggle blankets and… wait for it.. a foot vent! Whoever said that camping can't feel like sleeping in your own king size bed?

Price: €160

14. Waffle maker

Image source: All Clad

Make sure they kick their mornings off with the ultimate breakfast food - waffles! Crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside and with endless topping possibilities, waffles really do make a delicious weekend meal and dessert for kids and adults alike. No wonder the Belgians made them their national food - it's because everyone loves waffles so much!

With plenty of different waffle makers out there, it's easy to get overwhelmed with the choices. Here's a guide that will help you navigate between the basic and more advanced models. If you want to get something that lasts, this All-Clad stainless steel waffle maker will prove to be a classic gift that's worth your money.  

Price: €117 (simpler models starting at €15)

15. Personalized illustration

Image source: Etsy

With 27 seasons and counting, the Simpsons is the longest-running scripted series in the history of American primetime television. No wonder the show has gained millions of fans around the world. If the future Mr. and Mrs. are among them, this Simpsons-themed personalized illustration will make the perfect gift!

With the help of photos and descriptions (provided by you), the artist will encapsulate the couple in question in an illustration that looks just like one of the scenes set in Springfield.

Take note that the illustration is digital (you'll receive printable high-resolution files), so you'll have to print it yourself.

Price: €182

16. A set of bathrobes

Image source: Michael Hession

Here's the thing - a great robe will not only make the person wearing it warm or help cover up. It will also make their morning routine that much more pleasant. So, basically what you're gifting here is not just a plush piece of clothing. It's the luxury of well-spent time together.

Take note that robes come in all different shapes, sizes, materials, and textures. Some bathrobes are light and thin, more suited to be worn during summertime. Other spa-style robes are perfect for chilly winter evenings.

Whichever choice you pick, a matching set of high-quality robes will make a pampering wedding gift for any newlyweds.

Price: Two high-quality robes will cost anywhere between €100-€300.

17. Layflat photo album

Image source: Artifact Uprising

There will be so many cherished moments to remember and relive after the wedding and the honeymoon, it's essential to keep them all collected in an heirloom quality photo album that will stay in the family for generations to come.

This elegant Wedding Layflat Photo Album is renowned for its premium fabric colors and ultra-thick pages that will lay flat when the album is open. Choose one of the wedding-themed cover layouts with custom foil stamping.

Then complete the gift set with a handcrafted wood box that can be used to store the album alongside any other wedding memorabilia, like dried flowers and wedding programs, and a handwritten card from you wishing the happy couple many decades of happiness together.

Price: €125

18. Pushpin travel map

Image source: Uncommong goods

“The honeymoon is actually just the beginning” - that's what you can tell the happy couple when gifting them this vintage-inspired world travel map that marks out their adventures with pushpins.

The map is personalized with the couple's names and wedding date and is framed and mounted on sturdy foam core. It comes with 100 black pins to mark hometowns, honeymoon spots, as well as favorite vacation destinations. A very artsy and sentimental present to inspire the newlyweds celebrate their traveling as a twosome.

Price: €133

19. Portable picnic table-tote

Image source: Uncommon goods

You heard that right. It's a picnic table that folds up into a carrier or tote to carry baguettes, cheese, and of course wine with you.

This picnic table is made from beautiful cherry wood, handcrafted in Jacksonville, Oregon, and is engraved with the new family name and the wedding date. A sweet gift for the newly married couple who appreciates a meal in fresh air. All they need to do - pack up their spread, then turn their tote into a table, and then kick back.

Due to the fact that the table is handmade, each item is unique - and doesn't that make it more special and one-of-a-kind?

Price: €133

301-...€

20. Tandem bike

Is the happy couple a fan of cycling? Get them a tandem bike - the perfect mix of silliness, fun, and exercising! Learning to ride in sync will take a certain amount of practice and require both riders to hone their communication skills and trust each other.

Tandem riding is the ideal type of cycling if you want to maintain conversation with your sidekick and if you want to keep an even pace with someone with a different skill level. It will also be a great activity that the newlyweds can add to their next road trip. Read this extensive guide on best two-seater bikes to choose the right one.

Price: Starting from €385 to €7000

21. A set of luggage

Image source: Away Travel

If you're often on the road and traveling, it will be no secret how important durable luggage is. It doesn't matter whether it's a long trip or just a quick getaway - wiggly wheels, broken zippers, and not enough storage space can easily spoil the mood of any traveler.

If the couple in question is also passionate about traveling, getting them a set of matching, reliable luggage will be the perfect way to kick off their newlywed's honeymoon trip. Away makes premium luggage for the modern travelers that's lightweight and has even been named “the perfect travel suitcase”.

For a more personalized touch, get custom luggage tags with the couple's names and the wedding date on them. These leather, hand-crafted tags are truly timeless and will last for many years (and trips) to come.

Price: €475 per set + tags €42

22. iRobot Roomba

Image source: TechHive

Is it possible to get the happy couple the gift of time? With iRobot Roomba it is! The little vacuuming robot will make a convenient gift for the tech-savvy and gadget-loving couples and will be a great help around the house, giving them spare time to do whatever they like rather than doing chores.

The compact, computerized vacuum cleaner will guide itself around their home and pick up dirt and pet hair. And even if you think they'll be sceptical, most people are easily surprised at how effective Roomba can actually be.

Price: Starting at €330

Bonus

23. Airline giftcard

Traveling together with your better half is one of those exciting, eye-opening and gratifying things that we all wish we could enjoy more of on a daily basis. So, why not treat your favorite couple that's about to be married to a trip? No need to risk booking flights they will never take - give them an airline gift card instead.

For example, Flightgiftcard works just like a regular gift card, but it looks like a plane ticket and works with 300 major airlines worldwide. All that's left to do for the receiver is - pick a flight to any of the 70 destination countries, book it, and enjoy the adventure.

Price: Starting from €25 to €10000

24. AirBNB gift card

Image source: Giftcards

Give the happy couple the gift of adventure - get them an AirBNB gift card to cover the expenses for their next luxurious suite or secluded holiday cottage. This kind of gift is easy to use (available in both digital and physical form) and is really practical, as the couple can choose their dream accomodation. Also, AirBNB gift cards don't expire, so the newlyweds can take time planning their next unforgettable trip.

There is a little bit of a downside though. At the moment, AirBNB gift cards can only be purchased in US Dollars by individuals in the US.

Price: from €25 to €500

25. Cash

Image source: Saving Advice

Giving cash as a wedding gift is completely acceptable, and some couples even prefer it. Money as a wedding gift can replace buying something off of a registry, or even contribute to the honeymoon fund. However, you shouldn't just hand over an envelope or a bag of cash without an explanation as seen on “The Godfather” thinking that the couple will understand your gesture.

Instead, make it more personal and be sure to include a note to tell the couple who the gift is from. You can add a little bit of fun and creativity - do some cash origami or turn the money into a framed artwork.

Price: On average, most guests spend between €60 and €120 on wedding gift money, but if you're feeling more generous - go for it!

Thank you for reading and hope you found some new ideas!

Tell me what you think!

Yours, Anna

P.S. Check out weedcontrolsprayrigs - clothing for hugs that I have created and people have found to be a great and unique wedding gift :)

There needs to be a certain balance between soft and hard pleasures. Our mind, body and soul are tuned to everyday pleasures that slowly increase our sensuality over time. This could be something as small as smelling your partner's favourite cologne and it giving you pleasure.

Harder pleasures are what the soul hungers for. What we want deep down, inside the very essence of our being. They satisfy our urges and help us to grow as a spiritual and sexual being. Harder pleasures are stronger pleasures like mind-blowing sex or stuffed crust pizza.  

The life force inside of us hungers to be set free and awakened through the various pleasures that are available to us. Mindfulness is the key; paying attention to ourselves and what sets us free.

Solo Play

Pour yourself a glass of wine and seek pleasure within yourself. Throw on a little Alina Baraz and listen to her smooth voice. Take a relaxing bath, then lay down naked on your sheets and adore yourself. Go to where your mind (and body) takes you.

Feel beautiful fabrics between your fingers and all over you. The soft feel of silk should make you feel sexy and ready to ramp your solo play to the next level.

Two's Company

Aside from meditating with one another, being sensual with your partner is just about as intimate as it gets.

Feeling the soft skin of your lover's body as you run your fingertips across their back. Feeling their breath on you as they hold you close. A soft kiss here and a gentle lick there.

Everyone likes having their hair stroked, Right? We know that we do. It's a lovely feeling to be held by your partner, while they stroke your hair and appreciate all of you for your entirety. Gratitude and reciprocating back to your partner will enhance the pleasure. Be grateful that they exist (and that they're playing with your hair.)

Caring is Sharing

Do you feel good when you're giving something? That feel-good factor is a release of endorphins in the brain.

When you're giving inside and outside of the bedroom, you're awakening your own pleasure. From spending time in bed with your lover to cooking them a delicious meal. Giving from the heart heightens our sensual ability.

Orgasmic Words

Poetry is popular again—writing sensual words about romance, sex and the pleasures of the world is a beautiful way to give your sensuality a boost. Write some sensual words for your lover and send them on over by sliding into their DMs.

Lie down and read your favourite romantic poet's work, while naked. Embody your sensuality by digesting the words as they enter your mind and feed your soul.   

Invite Pleasure

Manifesting your own pleasure is a great way to become more abundant in it. Practice receiving pleasure every day and you'll invite more of it into your life.

Whether you're lighting scented candles or eating your favourite orange flavoured chocolate. When you enjoy pleasures and affirm to yourself that they are good for the betterment of your being, you welcome more of them into your life.

Enjoy yourselves and see you around!

xoxo

Anna

P.S. Check out weedcontrolsprayrigs - clothing for hugs that I have created to enjoy sensuality anywhere in secret :)

Science is only beginning to understand how and why we hug.

We all need a hug sometimes. There are few places where this is more evident than the departure gate at the airport. More often than not, words fail us when a loved one is about to walk away from us through the security check and fly to a faraway country, not to be seen for weeks or months. A hug can be tremendously comforting at the departure gate, or in all other situations in which we experience intense negative emotions, such as grief or fear. But hugs are also an important part of many positive, everyday situations. At the arrivals gate at the airport, the world often looks completely different than at departures, and we joyfully embrace our loved ones, whom we missed so much while they were gone. Similarly, hugs play a huge role in all sorts of situations that encompass positive emotions towards another person, such as romantic love or friendship. If we care for someone, we hug them, and research has shown that hugging can release large quantities of oxytocin, the human pair-bonding hormone. Thus, hugging someone literally deepens our relationship with that person on a biochemical level.

But what determines how we hug? Hugs are a behavior at the intersection of motor and emotional networks in the brain, and as such, they might be influenced by both of these neuronal networks. When we hug, there is usually a leading arm that initiates the embrace. About 90 percent of humans are right-handed — meaning they prefer to use the right hand for skilled activities, such as writing or drawing — so it is likely that most of us would also hug with the right arm. Indeed, this is also what an early South African study (Turnbull et al., 1995) on embraces in the arrival lounge of an international airport showed. Here, about 59 percent of observed travelers hugged leading with their right arm, and 41 percent hugged leading with their left arm. Additionally, the authors asked college students to hug their neighbors in a laboratory experiment and found similar results. Here, about 69 percent of individuals hugged with their right arm leading and about 31 percent with their left arm leading. Thus, this study indicated that there might indeed be a rightward bias when hugging, but the authors neither assessed emotions nor handedness directly.

To close these gaps, a recent large study led by German neuroscientist Julian Packheiser (Packheiser et al., 2018), investigated more than 2,500 hugs. In order to assess negative emotional situations, hugs were observed at the departure gate of an international airport. For positive emotional situations, the research team observed hugs at the arrivals gate. Also, in order to get emotionally fairly neutral hugs, the team analyzed internet video clips of people who offered blindfolded hugs to strangers in the street. The result? While most people showed a preference for right-sided hugs in all three situations, left-sided hugs occurred more frequently in emotional situations, no matter whether they were positive or negative. The left side of the body is controlled by the right side of the brain — which is heavily involved in processing both positive and negative emotions. Thus, this drift to the left side may show an interaction between emotional networks and motor preferences.

To test this theory, the team asked study participants to hug mannequins after listening to stories that induced positive, negative, or neutral emotions. Additionally, their handedness was determined with a questionnaire. Again, the emotionally charged situations led to more left-sided hugs than the neutral situations, but handedness also influenced hugging behavior. Right-handed participants hugged more often with the right arm than left-handed participants. Thus, embracing really seems to be controlled for by two neuronal networks: motor control and emotional processing. This might explain why for anyone in need of some comfort, a hug can be so much more than just a movement of the arms and a pressing together of two bodies. It’s a poignant, powerful gesture of love and support that goes straight to the emotional centers of our brain.

Interestingly, men showed a leftward drift even in neutral situations when hugging other men. This might mean that men might perceive these situations as emotionally negative and hence activate emotion-processing networks.

Embracing is not the only form of lateralized social touch that humans show. Kissing, for example, is often associated with a head turn to one side or the other in order to avoid potentially harmful nose bumping. Moreover, when cradling a child, most mothers and fathers show a clear side preference (Ocklenburg et al., 2018). 

Source: Psychology Today

More on neuroscience to follow ;)

xoxo Anna

P.S. Check out weedcontrolsprayrigs - clothing for hugs that I have created to make this neuroscience practical ;)

It’s not news that Christmas holidays have been overly commercialized and the burden of gift shopping sometimes makes us forget what this holiday is really about.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

NOTE: This is an article from EverydayHowTo, we support these choices and are happy that they have featured us too! Here we go:

________________________________________________________________________

With a little imagination (and a pinch of preparation), you can come up with a gift that carries something more than monetary value and practical use. In other words – a gift that you can still place under the tree, but with an added value that’s even more important than the thing itself.

In this post, we give you a list of meaningful and significant gift ideas that your better half will cherish and remember for years to come.

Gift common experiences

A common adventure or a trip is probably one of the best meaningful gifts. Why? Because you give the most valuable asset there is – the time you could spend building memories together.

What to put under the tree: Create an improvised “travel package deal” – for example, a beautiful envelope with information about the trip that you’ve planned out. It can be the actual ticket to your destination or a photo/drawing of the activity you’ll do together.

Alternatively, get one of these beautiful travel envelopes or a travel journal with scratch-off maps. Add DIY restaurant vouchers (for the food your loved one adores), free massage coupons and guided tours by the best professional in the world – you! Don’t forget to spice the “package deal” up with some inside jokes and funny pictures of the both of you.

Image Source

Bring back precious memories

You and your partner have already had significant and unforgettable moments together. You can prolong or revive them by giving something that will remind about that special time.

What to put under the tree: Grafomap allows you to create custom map posters (or t-shirts) of a place of your choosing. You can adjust the design and the text on the poster and ship it to any place in the world.

Think about a place that’s important to your beloved or to both of you. It can be the city, country or village where you first met, got married or went on a special trip.

Image Source

Share your love

Wouldn’t it be great to present your loved one with a gift that helps your relationship thrive? Something that would encourage a loving touch and hug?

What to put under the tree: weedcontrolsprayrigs couples clothing has secret openings for touching your partner’s back. The creators of this sensual brand claim that these clothes promote touching and therefore the release of oxytocin – commonly known as the love hormone.

The best part – this is essentially a gift for both of you! You can also present this charming set of clothes to a couple that’s close to you.

Image Source
*A note from weedcontrolsprayrigs: you can choose gift wrapping and we will also add a card for your convenience, no hassle in wrapping, everything ready for you!*

Show support for their hobby

The best gifts show that you’ve thought about what your partner likes and what excites them. You love them for what they are and want to support them, right? So make sure your gift manifests that.

What to put under the tree: This can be any item, gadget or accessory that helps and encourages your partner’s hobby.

For example, if your loved one is an avid traveler or often goes on business trips, think about something that could make his or her travels even more comfortable and pleasant. For example, travelers love the VELOSOCK luggage cover because it helps their suitcase stand out and protects it from scratches, dirt, and thieves.

Image Source

If your partner is a cycling enthusiast, the same brand offers stylish bike covers as well.

Give energy

Winter months is the time when we’d rather hibernate on the couch than make too many unnecessary moves. However, we need to keep functioning, going to work, raising kids and doing chores around the house. So for some of us, an energy boost will be the best possible present this holiday season.

What to put under the tree: If your partner is into innovative gadgets, surprise him or her with a human charger that “keeps winter blues at bay, increases mental alertness, and gives energy whenever you need it”.

“Coffee Pixels” is another original energy-boosting gift that will absolutely delight coffee lovers. These edible coffee bars are rich in fiber and antioxidants, and their energy kick lasts much longer. Did we mention they’re delicious and handy to take with you everywhere you go?

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Gift coziness

If you are like most couples, you know there’s nothing better than snuggling on the couch in front of a good movie after a delicious dinner you’ve cooked together. So look for gifts that will enhance the feeling of relaxing coziness and warmth.

What to put under the tree: Why not go a bit weird and get them a pair of unicorn slippers with lights? If your partner is always cold, a snuggle blanket will surely make them ecstatic. You can even prepare a whole coziness package with some candles, bath salts, aromatic tea and your lover’s favorite chocolate.

If you’re looking for something more personal, order individually printed souvenirs via dropshipping sites like Printful. For example, socks, pillows, aprons and other homey souvenirs with your favorite joke or pet name printed on them will definitely provoke some “AWWWs” around the Christmas tree.

Image Source

Put some love under the Christmas tree

We live in a material world, but ironically – gifts that have something more than monetary value are those that make us the happiest. Get inspired from this list of meaningful gifts, and you can be sure that your better half will appreciate the emotions you’ve put into the presents.

_____________________________________________________________________

Thank you EVERYDAY HOW-TO!
Love you list!
Anna

Lessons from the longest study on human happiness (TED).

Whenever someone asks me: "How did you come to this idea of weedcontrolsprayrigs?" I start by telling them about The Grant study. So for everyone interested, here are the conclusions and suggestions from that study in short.

For over 75 years, Harvard’s Grant and Glueck study has tracked the physical and emotional health of two groups:
 - 456 poor people in Boston from 1939 to 2014 (the Grant Study)
 - 268 graduates from Harvard’s classes of 1939–1944 (the Glueck study)
After following these groups and testing them (e.g., blood samples, brain scans) for several decades, the findings have been compiled.

Here’s the main conclusion:

“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” — Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development

As Melanie Curtin reported on Inc., “The biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love.”

Although the Harvard study lays the foundation, there is other compelling research on the importance of human relationships.

This meta analysis showed a 50% increased likelihood of survival for participants with stronger social relationships. Meaning, if you have healthy relationships, your chances of survival increase by 50%.

Nearly everything in life is impacted by WHO is around you, and how those people support you.

Childhood trauma, for example, is not about what happens to you. But about what happens “inside” of you, according to Dr. Gabor Maté. In other words, if you go through a terribly horrible experience and you have someone there to help you process it, you’ll likely recover quickly. If you don’t have someone to help you through it, you’ll internalize it, isolate yourself, and that trauma will turn into a lifetime of pain.

Healthy relationships, then, could help you avoid addiction. Could help you overcome life’s challenges. Could help you reach higher than you could on your own.

In an article in SCIENCE, authors House, Landis, and Umberson stated the following:

“Social relationships, or the relative lack thereof, constitute a major risk factor for health — rivaling the effect of well established health risk factors such as cigarette smoking, blood pressure, blood lipids, obesity and physical activity”

Transformational Relationships

“You can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving.” — John Wooden

The most loving and deep relationships are built on a very simple foundation: giving and gratitude.

When the focus is on what you can give, rather than what you can get, the relationship becomes a gift to both of you.

There’s no holding back.

No keeping score.

Only in such relationships can you be fully present to the moment and fully un-inhibited in the expression of your love.

Giving freely without an expectation of return is essential. As are expressions of gratitude. In fact, this study found that expressions of gratitude have a powerful effect on the other person.

Specifically, this study found regular expressions of gratitude can:

• Increase a person’s self-worth
• Increase a person’s self-efficacy (confidence)
• Increase a person’s prosocial behavior (in other words, when you’re grateful to someone, they become a better person to society at large).
• Increase ability to cope with life’s challenges

A famous actor I will not mention by name this time, wrote:

“My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children.

She had lost 30 pounds and weighed about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs.

She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up.

Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role.

I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon…But then I decided to act on it. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth…

I began to pamper her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised her and pleased her every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends.

You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever.

I had no clue that she CAN love that much. And then I realized one thing: The woman is the reflection of her man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.”

This stuff works. However, relationships aren’t a quick-fix thing. You’ve got to stick to these incredible practices of giving and gratitude or the relationships will stop being transformational. It will die.

Living For Something Beyond Yourself

“For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.” — Viktor Frankl

Great power is not what creates great responsibility. Instead, great responsibility is what creates power.

According to what psychologists call, “The pygmalion effect,” you as a person either rise or fall to the demands of your situation. If your situation doesn’t demand much, you won’t rise up.

Having other people depend on you is a beautiful thing. It’s the pressure that will turn you into a diamond. It will cause you to dig deep within yourself, and overcome the addictions and bad habits holding you back.

You have so much more to live for now.

In the digital world we now live in, it’s not about the amount of hours you work. But the amount of thought and humanity you put into your work.

The deeper and more transformative your daily experiences, the more perspective you’ll have into what the world needs. The better you’ll be at your job. The happier you’ll be as a person — despite experiencing hardships throughout life.

When you have people around you who love and help you, you become a different and better person. You become transformed. You become capable of doing amazing things. You are enabled to overcome hardships that would destroy most people.

I loved this article from Thrive Global and really wanted to share it with you! Here is the original.

So think about it:

Do you have deep and loving relationships?

Have you expressed gratitude lately?

Have you given your greatest gifts in complete love and generosity?

Love,
Anna